Archive for July, 2012

Aspergers on the olympics

Posted: July 31, 2012 in sports
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Canada is not doing so hot in this year’s olympics and I am more than okay with that. A person has to begin to ask how much money should we putting towards winning Olympic medals which helps one or two individuals instead of putting the money towards a more worthwhile cause. Canada’s health care system needs to be rehauled wait times are often too long. Immigrants are still struggling, and libraries budgets are getting cut drastically. Yet somehow, Canada has 27 million dollars to put into the olympic athletes. The return on putting tax dollars into libraries is 10x greater in every way than putting the money into the olympic athletes.

I say let the athletes do sports as a hobby like the rest of us and have a day job to support themselves. IF they win and its a major if then they will get major corporation dollars to endorse everything. It’s like taxing people so the Winnipeg Jet’s Kane can live like a king on 10 million dollars. Let the people who care about it make special donations. Or even put a discretionary clause into taxes and give people the option give Cindy Klassen the money or give it to a library or a soup kitchen for the homeless. Some people argue but we need the athletes as role models, don’t we have enough role models in parents, teachers firemen and Dancing Gabe. Katniss is going to be as big or a bigger influence for Canadian children to take up archery than any of our athletes will be. The arguement that people won’t play sports without these people is ridiculous people play sports because they are fun not because joe-shmoo does it .

Let’s at least put the money into obscure sports that no one else is putting money into in order to get the most bang for the buck.


Also, the idea of supporting one man over another simply because he is Canadian is kind of ridiculous. What if I have more in common with the Australian and would have a better time over a beer than the man from Canada just because he’s from the same place that  I am from.  That is my two cents on the olympics.

As someone with Aspergers fashion is often the furthest thing from my mind. Usually I will just grab clothes and if they are clean then I’ll wear them. Also this seems like a futile gesture, however, because my clothes quickly get dirty when I wear them. You could say that I am not the neatest eater.I am horrible with color coordinating, or figuring out what is the newest fashion. I should be dressing better, meaning wearing less t-shirt and more shirts with collars. The only fashion trends that I have noticed creeping up is wearing Lou Lou Lemon Yoga pants to activities that have absolutely nothing to do with Yoga. Apperently, they make women’s derriere’s look better. Wearing pants that fit and are not to big or small do this just as well, nevermind buying fancy pairs of sweat pants. Another fashion trend that has started, who knows how long ago, is pre-teens dressing like they are going to the bar. When has it become acceptable to let your 12 year-old daughter to dress up like a hooker? I would assume its the whole Tracy’s mom let’s her line of arguement and Tracy is a 50 year-old mother who still dresses like she is ready to go to the bar and views her 10-year-old daughter as her best friend not her daughter. Parents, children do not need you to be their best friends (not true in your case Kikky but you still act like a parental figure not my peer) they need you to be their parent who sets rules and stops them from wrecking their lives and becoming teen moms or worse. Parents fun activities you can do with your children is reading books together, going to Stellas for bread pudding and tea, activities you should not do with your children prowl for creepy men. See who can drink more tequila without passing out.

Upper Arm Tattoo

Tattoos are bad-ass. Girls can be hot with tattoos with or without tattoos. I mean I like the pure and wholesome look, but I also like girls with tattoos. I am not so much into the whole piercing’s other than on the top of the nose and the ears and maybe the eyebrow. Not the booger peircing and I am not that into having too many peircings in the ears just a personal preference.

      The reason why I think tattoos are hot on ladies is it shows that these women can rebuke the system that they are free thinkers. It also shows their resolve because if you get a tattoo you are stuck with it for a really long time. I am into free-thinking chicks because as I mentioned in a previous post my mom is my best friend and that is a bit odd. I am a total mommy’s boy and not the most independent individual. Who can blame me I have a hard enough time fitting in without rebuking the whole system. Therefore, when I see an attractive girl with tattoos I can just admire their indepence streak and how they are so rebellious. I envision I need a rebellious girl who will push me to do new things break out of old cycles and be a more independent individual. Sort of like Elisha Cuthbert, in The Girl Next Door or whatever Cuthbert’s character’s name is in that film.

  Or is it that I just envision that a girl would have to be pretty rebellious to love me. Society and biology insists that they marry the best person possible with the least number of flaws clearly not the guy with a disability. Granted this makes sense as I definitely would not be the best breadwinner.

Tattooed girls are artists who see their body as simply another canvas which is a cool way to show their indepence. I hope it reveals something about them that I cannot usually get when staring at a girl because of my inability to read body language. Therefore, I hope girls with tattoos are as easy to read as a book. They easily make good conversation starters.  It also shows a certain toughness that a girl is willing to take being stabbed with needles for a long time in order to get it done which is hot like Joan Jett. Needles and pain are definitely not appealing to me and are simply another reason why I may not get a tattoo.

Joan Jett Carmen Electra rumored

If anyone has ever had a conversation with me in real life you will know that I suffer from the typical Asperger syndrome of not modulating my voice very well. At least every other week someone like Ryan Ash has to tell me to lower my voice because I am talking too loudly or ruining a conversation because I am standing in between the two participants therefore they cannot continue the conversation till I move.

This has not been a recent problem as you can imagine. In elementary school teachers were constantly telling me to use my indoor voice, when I was excitedly trying to get a point across or make one.

At B’Nai Brith overnight camp the other campers were so worried that I would be terrible at sneaking around that one of them offered to tuck me into bed every night as long as I don’t sneak out with them. Therefore, even, though, I missed out on any kind of teen summer romance at camp I always got a goodnight’s sleep. Maybe this is where my habit of needing twenty-hours of sleep per day came from. I was a terrible sneak because I would always talk way too loudly when trying to whisper. It practically became a joke in itself. Also I have terrible hand-eye-coordination so there was always the possibility that my fumbling around, falling down or stubbing my toe and swearing would also give the others away. Essentially, I am lucky that I was born, when I was born instead of at a time where sneaking around could be the difference between being alive and free, and dead.  I know these are all frothy cappuccino problems in a definitely not foamy world, but these are still my capuccino problems.

In a related thing, one of my teacher’s Mr. X when he was yelling would often say “i’m not yelling, what do you think this is yelling” it was quite strange any former high school graduate cohort can vouch for how odd and hilarious this was.

I bet you guys think I am going to reveal something secret about myself that no one else knows. Like that I am secretly obsessed with glasses or shaving cream cans and that I have collected them for ages upon ages. Well in this post I will reveal my secret obsession but it is none of the above.

I have always prided myself on not fitting the textbook description for Aspergers and tried to deny that I even had it. When I do I think, well I get along with people pretty well the only area I am truly lacking is romantically. For example, one of the symptoms is that people with the disability tend to have a narrow scope of interest and engage in repetitive actions. I thought that can’t possibly be me, I have a wide range of interests. But the truth is, this matches me to the T. I behave in compulsive ways towards playing card games on my computer, whether its Spider Solitaire, or Hearts. I constantly have a screen open with one of these games open, no matter what I am doing on the computer from watching a lecture, going on facebook or watching a video. I have always thought that was weird, what about these games make me want to constantly waste my time on them, and lets be honest playing these games is a waste of time. Before I discuss it I want to say that finding this on the Aspergers Wiki was quite reassuring and helped explain why I do it. In the past people could use the excuse that they liked card games because they liked to sit in a circle but when your alone at your desk you’re hardly sitting in a circle. It could be the simple straightforward rules in a world that I often find complicated and overwhelming. I mean what do people really mean when you are talking to them. There are always mixed messages and complications and the rules are never clear because social situations are always changing. So we have established why I play video games but why card games.

Probably because of the simplicity of them. I mean shooter video games and war games like civilization you are responsible for a whole big map and you don’t want to lose a single piece because who wants to see one of your men die. I might not be able to form emotional relationships with people but its not because I don’t care.  War first player shooter up games like the hilarious Dan Huen plays, also quickly lose their appeal to me because part of having Aspergers means that I have horrible hand-eye-coordination and am constantly the first person to die. This is also the same reason why I don’t play racing games. (Does Dan Huen? You’ll just have to ask him to find out!)

And then there are RPGS where you are offered a million choices and every choice you make sends you down a different road. When you are afraid to make choices because you keep misreading signals in real life and want to do it all RPGS eventually consist of you saving your game constantly and going back and making the other choice just so you don’t miss out on some fun that everyone else is having and you know you would be having too if you didn’t have Aspergers and people invited you to their super awesome party instead of not letting you know so you end up at home on a saturday night watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Which ultimately just leaves you with simple card games that don’t overstress your brain.

Therefore, I am just like all other people with Aspergers and am not as “normal” or as “unique” as I thought I was.

As I mentioned earlier in my posts that having Aspergers I do not make many friends, nevermind lady friends. In this blog I am going to talk about my best friend.

My best friend is my mom. We are constantly hanging out, reading books  or watching television series such as Sopranos or the Wire together. I never got into Mad Men. She is always the first person I tell everything to and the person who comforts me when I am really moopy. She also gives the best hugs. Really you should give it a try, she’s a really good hugger so if you see her out and about you should just give her a hug. My mom once tried to limit the number of times I can hug her in a day, ha that lasted a week.

My mom and dad have not had the easiest life trying to raise an Autistic child who just refuses to be normal always trying to balance my perspective by poo pooing my dreams and telling me to focus on things i really can do, while at the same time being very supportive.  My mom has often read my books since elementary school till my masters to discuss them with me and help me with my essays even when I don’t want her help. She was also a willing ear when I was doing my biology classes in university.

  Dont get me wrong she is not the perfect friend by any stretch or means.  She can be super naggy about some things like insisting that I shave every day (eww puke) or how I can’t wear shorts and runners (why not? I think I like cool in this combination). Also insisting that I am organized and know the bus schedule and don’t miss the last bus of the night. Always urging me to be responsible and catch an earlier bus. 

Ultimately, however I have to forgive her this nagging because she only has my best interests at heart when she does it. 

Here are some other things I like about hanging out with my mother:

When I hangout with my mom I never have to worry about being less attractive than the friend I am with.

My mom always picks up the bill when we go out, how many friends can you say that about?

She never shops around for better plans, but never has a problem when I cancel at the last minute because something better comes up. 



image from

Aspergers on comedy. If you have been following this post you may wonder why I do stand-up comedy, because I am extremely self-conscious and insecure. However, for some reason I always want to be the center of attention. Which seems like a contradiction because if your standing in front of everyone they will see your flaws and your inadequacies. Perhaps I figure that if people are laughing at my joke it means they like me and accept me for who I am. Maybe if they see how funny I am they will want to be my friend. Even this seems contradictory like saying this is how I am messed up don’t you still want to be friends with me. Some people are really clever and are able to make statements about the outside world like Matt Nightingale and get their laughs that way, it definitely seems like the better way to go because you are not holding up your flaws in front of people, however I cannot, most of my laughs come from poking fun at myself.

I have always known I was funny or that at least people laugh with/at me and when your on the stage you definitely cannot tell the difference because a chuckle is a chuckle and a laugh is a laugh. I figured doing stand-up comedy would be easy just opening up a wound and letting the humor flow out. That I would be making money at it in no time. I was sadly mistaken and that it is much harder than it looks. It takes years before you can make a somewhat steady paycheque if you ever get paid at all. The only way however, is to charge forward in it as if you know you have talent that you may or may not have. Another interesting thing is it is impossible to know ahead of time what will work, there is no reason or rhyme to it.

Having Aspergers sometimes my sense of humor does not match the rest of the audience and sometimes things that I don’t think will be funny are hilarious. It’s impossible to understand what will get laughs and this is horrible for someone who wants the world to make sense and can’t just go with the flow. Therefore, you are constantly on the edge of quitting because you just want the world to make sense and are fustrated because some joke that killed in the past is bombing with the audience only to get back-up on the stage one last time and to become addicted to the laughter all over again. I guess that is why I do stand-up comedy.

Having Aspergers and living in the Star Wars universe would stink.

Here are the top 5 reasons.

1.People in the Star Wars Universe are constantly fighting and engaging in high speed chases neither action is easily accomplished when you have terrible hand-eye-cooridination.

2.People with Asperger’s are always trying not to be noticed. Being surrounded by all those different races you would think that it would be easier, however, being around people who are different or unhealthy like old people sometimes makes me nervous that people will realize how awkward and weird I am.

3.People in the Star Wars universe constantly have to be on the lookout for enemies, when you can’t interpret social situations and adapt very well it is hard to determine who is your foe and who is your friend.

4.In the Star Wars universe there is less room for insecurity. People with aspergers since sports and social situations often do not go their way, they are some of the most insecure people. In the Star Wars universe if you’re insecure you become a lackey who is usually the first one killed in a fight.

5.People with Aspergers are very disorganized and if you were in the Star Wars Universe you would be unable to find your blaster or lightsaber before being forced to fight.

Aspergers on the Fringe

Posted: July 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

Maybe the title of the blog should be Aspergers on fringe again as not many people know much about the disability. Only 1 in a thousand people know about the disability. However, I am not referring to that fringe that alternative way of living no I am talking about the Winnipeg Fringe Festival.

As I mentioned in my previous blog it is hard to make friends, therefore, there is almost a desperation to try and make everyone happy by supporting the people you know by attending their shows. This creates a number of problems first off there is the financial concerns that if its 10 dollars a show how many shows can anyone afford to go to. There is also the issue of time constraints that keep people from going to as many shows as possible. A third and less discussed issue is the issue of ADHD or how many darn shows that are all one hour can someone put themselves through. While, all the shows that I have seen so far have been extremely well-acted the majority could have been 30 minutes and only D’N’D needed the full hour. I guess this could also be considered the watching anything for a really long time where there is no explosions or nudity is really really hard effect.

Therefore, if you can’t make everything how to do you decide what to attend? First off you eliminate all the shows you don’t know anyone in. If you don’t know the performers they can’t be offended if you don’t attend. Then you eliminate all the stand-up shows where the comedians are well-respected in the community and don’t need your support because their show is already going to sell-out. Once you have eliminated those you still have quite alot of choice, then you eliminate those that happen every second tuesday at the Kings’s head throughout the year but you can’t really eliminate it because every year you plan on attending and haven’t made it down once yet. Once you have eliminated or not eliminated these shows that still gives you a large number of shows and therefore you plan to appologize to everyone whose show you can’t make it to.

There are multiple ways of appologizing there’s the basic “sorry”, “there’s I was going to but your show was already sold out by the time I got there.”  “there’s the I had to work sorry” and many more.

I am jealous of my friends in the fringe because it means that most of them are double threats (does being able to do stand-up make you a triple threat?). They can carry a tune and can act. As most people know I am tone deaf let’s just blame that on Aspergers but truth being I odn’t if its related but my whole family is tone-deaf. I am also a terrible actor its a shame and waste of talent and my good looks but ya can’t act for the life of me. But the people in the fringe can really act.

The social aspect is great where ever you turn there are people to talk to which is great. Makes it much easier than spending time searching for an individual person. I wonder if I should have printed up pamphlets and should be telling people at the fringe about this great blog.


Aspergers on Friendship

Posted: July 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

I am thankful everyday that I have such good friends that I have. I have two good friends who I go for lunch with and hangout with on a regular basis who I have been friends with for a long time as well as a supportive group of comedians and other performers who have been great.  I don’t make friends easily and it’s amazing that I haven’t lost that many. People with Aspergers have a problem of being too honest. For example, I once asked one of my friends if he was worried that his girlfriend was not going to be playing competitive soccer anymore and if he was worried she would not be able to maintain her good looks. From a logical perspective this makes perfect sense if someone does not play sports everyday there is a good chance that they will become plumper. It is a perfectly logical worry on the other hand socially people take this type of question horribly because while it is logical it is not diplomatic. This kind of question could of landed me in hot trouble with my friend, however, the few people who have chosen to be my friend are able to look past my “lack of diplomacy”. Turns out he is still with the same girlfriend and she is as gorgeous as ever inside and outside. Also as you can imagine I am not the best person to tell something you want to remain secret and leave it at  as my judgement is not always the best at deciding what to keep secret  and what to keep private. If you tell me something you don’t want anyone else to know then you should also tell me and Adam make sure not to tell anyone else. I am incredibly honest about myself and am an open book and expect other people to be as well it simply does not cross my mind that some people are very private.  For example, one of my friends needed to get laid so that he would be more comfortable with women and therefore, I just went around telling everyone we were friends with that, not thinking hmm maybe you should keep mum about it. Hehe that’s a funny term, keeping mum for keeping silent. Not to say that my friends are always perfect, I mean one of them does have a habit of poo pooing anytime I want to try something new. He also has a habit of going to bed super early which means that I have had to make my arrangements early and have my evening end before I wanted them to.   Also another friend put his schoolwork ahead of me in terms of priorities how rude. Another thing why does a girlfriend someone just met take priority over a friendship people have had for 10 years, what I am saying is if it has to do with sexual business just do your business and get it over with but don’t undermine a great old friendship for a new one with benefits.

Also like other people with Aspergers I have had a hard time making relationships that I have with people in the entertainment industry deeper. I mean I am a great guy, I shower regularly and am able to take interest in other people’s interests and ask them about it. I can even be selfless when it comes to sports and put the team ahead of myself. All great qualities when looking for a mate. Everyone I have met has been super awesome when we hangout at somewhere where we all are like before a show, or after a show these relationships have often not blossomed into more. People tend to be very clique and in the past when I took a chance and thought a relationship had potential and I tried calling them, to go for lunch or something of that sort the phone calls were extremely awkward and it quickly became clear that they had wished I had not called.  Also when I call they choose not to call me back you would think that one of the eight messages I left on their machine they would have picked up before the ninth huh. Also there was this one girl who I knew for a long time and I asked her to go to coffee with me. She agreed, but she was always too busy, you would think in 6 months a person would have time for at least one 30 minute coffee. What I am trying to say is its hard to know when someone is interested in becoming friends and after 3 years in the comedy community I still don’t have anyone I can call-up. For awhile, I had Lauren Kayle Parsons who was my buddy and did ice-cream with me and Mcdonalds once, but then she stopped coming to comedy =(.

Not to say that they are not awesome people I mean Ryan Ash came to a show I did at Rumors when I couldn’t get anyone else and sat with me and my mom and was super supportive of him when he did not need to, but did it because he’s a great guy. Also people have willingly given me rides in the past including the said Ash.

Part of the reason why I started doing comedy regularly was because of how warm and wonderful the other comedians have been. Even at this point where I can’t get booked shows at venues at the King’s Head, Jefferies, or the Cheer these friendships keep me around where in the past I would have simply quit and moved onto the next adventure which I would struggle at equally because when you have Aspergers everything is a struggle. These people make me happy when I am depressed and ground me when I am unrealistic. I am truly thankful for them.

The entertainment industry is also definitely not the field to be in if you struggle with making friendships easily. After all everyone relies on these friendships to give them their big breaks. I mean a comedian usually relies on a more experienced comedians such as Big Daddy Tazz or Jason Beck to take them on the road to open up for them until they are more experienced and have more of a reputation that they can rely on and then in turn become the more experienced acts who can bring other comedians along. However, who is a comedian going to bring along on the road someone who is easily relatable and gets along with everyone or someone who is prickly like a cactus. Also comedians want to put their friends into shows who get other people to buy tickets to go and watch often because they like the comedian as a friend when you’re starting out.  Simply put Rumors would rather put local comedians who have lots of friends to sell tickets to than local people who may sell 5, which is fair because their job is to make money on food and ticket sales not promote comedy.

This problem is not limited to comedy but in other performance events as well such as the fringe. There are people who will go to the show because they have heard of it but there are also all the people who are going to go see their friend. Compare that to my other job working at the library where it does not matter how many friends I have because I do not have to sell them anything and getting them to visit the library will further my reputation or career.

If I ever try to put these blogs into a book I am definitely going to have to make some of these posts longer and edit others but for now this blog entry is long enough thank you to any who have made it this far.  Check out Surf Chimp at the Fringe.


Also go to 

Snap Crackle Comedy tonight I will be there!! I hope I get to host the Gargoyle episode or the Biker Mice from Mars.