Aspergers on Friendship

Posted: July 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

I am thankful everyday that I have such good friends that I have. I have two good friends who I go for lunch with and hangout with on a regular basis who I have been friends with for a long time as well as a supportive group of comedians and other performers who have been great.  I don’t make friends easily and it’s amazing that I haven’t lost that many. People with Aspergers have a problem of being too honest. For example, I once asked one of my friends if he was worried that his girlfriend was not going to be playing competitive soccer anymore and if he was worried she would not be able to maintain her good looks. From a logical perspective this makes perfect sense if someone does not play sports everyday there is a good chance that they will become plumper. It is a perfectly logical worry on the other hand socially people take this type of question horribly because while it is logical it is not diplomatic. This kind of question could of landed me in hot trouble with my friend, however, the few people who have chosen to be my friend are able to look past my “lack of diplomacy”. Turns out he is still with the same girlfriend and she is as gorgeous as ever inside and outside. Also as you can imagine I am not the best person to tell something you want to remain secret and leave it at  as my judgement is not always the best at deciding what to keep secret  and what to keep private. If you tell me something you don’t want anyone else to know then you should also tell me and Adam make sure not to tell anyone else. I am incredibly honest about myself and am an open book and expect other people to be as well it simply does not cross my mind that some people are very private.  For example, one of my friends needed to get laid so that he would be more comfortable with women and therefore, I just went around telling everyone we were friends with that, not thinking hmm maybe you should keep mum about it. Hehe that’s a funny term, keeping mum for keeping silent. Not to say that my friends are always perfect, I mean one of them does have a habit of poo pooing anytime I want to try something new. He also has a habit of going to bed super early which means that I have had to make my arrangements early and have my evening end before I wanted them to.   Also another friend put his schoolwork ahead of me in terms of priorities how rude. Another thing why does a girlfriend someone just met take priority over a friendship people have had for 10 years, what I am saying is if it has to do with sexual business just do your business and get it over with but don’t undermine a great old friendship for a new one with benefits.

Also like other people with Aspergers I have had a hard time making relationships that I have with people in the entertainment industry deeper. I mean I am a great guy, I shower regularly and am able to take interest in other people’s interests and ask them about it. I can even be selfless when it comes to sports and put the team ahead of myself. All great qualities when looking for a mate. Everyone I have met has been super awesome when we hangout at somewhere where we all are like before a show, or after a show these relationships have often not blossomed into more. People tend to be very clique and in the past when I took a chance and thought a relationship had potential and I tried calling them, to go for lunch or something of that sort the phone calls were extremely awkward and it quickly became clear that they had wished I had not called.  Also when I call they choose not to call me back you would think that one of the eight messages I left on their machine they would have picked up before the ninth huh. Also there was this one girl who I knew for a long time and I asked her to go to coffee with me. She agreed, but she was always too busy, you would think in 6 months a person would have time for at least one 30 minute coffee. What I am trying to say is its hard to know when someone is interested in becoming friends and after 3 years in the comedy community I still don’t have anyone I can call-up. For awhile, I had Lauren Kayle Parsons who was my buddy and did ice-cream with me and Mcdonalds once, but then she stopped coming to comedy =(.

Not to say that they are not awesome people I mean Ryan Ash came to a show I did at Rumors when I couldn’t get anyone else and sat with me and my mom and was super supportive of him when he did not need to, but did it because he’s a great guy. Also people have willingly given me rides in the past including the said Ash.

Part of the reason why I started doing comedy regularly was because of how warm and wonderful the other comedians have been. Even at this point where I can’t get booked shows at venues at the King’s Head, Jefferies, or the Cheer these friendships keep me around where in the past I would have simply quit and moved onto the next adventure which I would struggle at equally because when you have Aspergers everything is a struggle. These people make me happy when I am depressed and ground me when I am unrealistic. I am truly thankful for them.

The entertainment industry is also definitely not the field to be in if you struggle with making friendships easily. After all everyone relies on these friendships to give them their big breaks. I mean a comedian usually relies on a more experienced comedians such as Big Daddy Tazz or Jason Beck to take them on the road to open up for them until they are more experienced and have more of a reputation that they can rely on and then in turn become the more experienced acts who can bring other comedians along. However, who is a comedian going to bring along on the road someone who is easily relatable and gets along with everyone or someone who is prickly like a cactus. Also comedians want to put their friends into shows who get other people to buy tickets to go and watch often because they like the comedian as a friend when you’re starting out.  Simply put Rumors would rather put local comedians who have lots of friends to sell tickets to than local people who may sell 5, which is fair because their job is to make money on food and ticket sales not promote comedy.

This problem is not limited to comedy but in other performance events as well such as the fringe. There are people who will go to the show because they have heard of it but there are also all the people who are going to go see their friend. Compare that to my other job working at the library where it does not matter how many friends I have because I do not have to sell them anything and getting them to visit the library will further my reputation or career.

If I ever try to put these blogs into a book I am definitely going to have to make some of these posts longer and edit others but for now this blog entry is long enough thank you to any who have made it this far.  Check out Surf Chimp at the Fringe.


Also go to 

Snap Crackle Comedy tonight I will be there!! I hope I get to host the Gargoyle episode or the Biker Mice from Mars.


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