Archive for August, 2012

I am just at my perch at the library watching people sign to each other and I am thinking that is so awesome. Everyone uses hand gesture in conversation but deaf people have turned it into a whole language. Each gesture carrying so much weight not a single movement wasted. You can use sign language to communicate in a room that is way too loud as long as there is visual contact.

I am sure with using your hands so much and in such an important role you develop dexterity and strength. Compare that to Aspergers, where the closest thing I have to having cool skills come out of it is the ability to repulse women and lose friends by being too logical in my thinking and not emotionally sensitive enough just like a vulcan in Star Trek. There is also strength in numbers in having many people understand what you are going through. If you are deaf you may be different but you certainly don’t feel like a freak because its easier to fit in. Sure fitting into mainstream society maybe difficult but there are enough of you that you have developed a powerful subculture. Having Aspergers the chances are 1 in 10,000 therefore there will never be enough people with the disability that it is a enough for its own subculture. Also, it is even more onerous if you develop a negative relationship with someone else in the community because there are so few people. I mean if you are deaf and you don’t along with another deaf person there are enough people that you can simply hangout with another group. Not so when you have a less common disability. There is a large enough population among the community that dating is less awkward. There can even be supermodels in the community. When you have Aspergers and have such a tiny pool of people and then adjust for the fact that the majority of the people with the disability will be male if there is a negative dating experience it has a much longer lasting impact on your life. Nevermind, the possibility that you might not be attracted to one of these girls or have absolutely nothing in common, what I am trying to say is it makes dating much more difficult. Therefore, you try dating among the healthy population (wow that is a really bad term it either makes everyone sound like cattle or Aspergers like an epidemic.).

These people are not likely going to understand what you are going through and will see shortcomings of yours and how often can you say sorry it’s the Aspergers and even if you could do you really want to keep reminding them of your shortcoming because really it seems like it would take away from the attractiveness/fitness of a mate.  

Advantage =deaf person

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*Note the following post will be just as shallow as the one on girls with tattoos and I don’t endorse judging a girl by her looks either way. =) enjoy  *

I already discussed why I think girls with tattoos are sexy now I am going to write a post on why girls without tattoos are sexy. There is something beautiful about the wholesome look which reminds someone of simplier days when things were slower and of  farmers fields and riding on the back of pickup trucks and going down to the local watering hole for sodas.

Skin often looks fresher when its not marred by ink and all kinds of colour like the powdery effect of blush on the skin. Like people who have led a more sheltered life and are not marred by the horrors they have seen or doing drugs. Of responsibility and waking up with the sun on their faces to put in another day. It also seems like these are the kinds of girls who it would be easier to bring home to meet your parents because they don’t have anything to hide. The type of girl you expect to marry pop out two children and live the American dream with.  Girls with tattoos seem like they are the social changers and have an edge to them they have the ink to prove it and they won’t put up with shit from anyone see Joan Jett. Girls without tattoos are softer around the edges more patient and caring more like the nurse cheerleader type. They are the type of girl who when your with you don’t expect them to fit for social change because you don’t think anything needs to change and you don’t have a care in the world. With this type of girl I could forget that I have Aspergers and that all the problems in the world are far away. If girls with tattoos are hot like Joan Jett girls without tattoos are beautiful like Kristen Dunst or Reese Witherspoon.

I am sitting at my reference desk just minding my own business, waiting patiently for anyone to ask for help and across from me are two adults playing video games. Video GAMES! How absolutely awful. Darn that Hedgehog.

 

 

Here I am in the temple of books, which I guess that makes me a priest or something or a guardian of this temple and right across from me are two people willing to descrate my temple by playing video games instead of doing some kind of learning.

Some kind of book enjoyment. I just want to jump over the desk, rip the video games out of their hands and jump up and down on it till it breaks.

But I won’t because I don’t believe in violence, and more importantly I would be fired and quickly escorted out of the temple never to return. This exile would be more than I could bear.  Video games have their place in the library in the Young Adult section to draw reluctant readers into the library who otherwise would not come in. As well, the library should not be stuck in time and should remain relevant but how much insult to injury can I bear. How much should I be expected to bear? Video games are one of those things that like Porn should remain in the home behind closed doors to be enjoyed only be you and your friends not brought out into daylight.  

People are taking advantage of the break of school and summer to give me time to think and relax at work. It will be chaos here soon and then the noise of the video games will be nothing compared to the noise of conversation, and people at work but until then keep your DARN VIDEO GAMES OUT OF MY LIBRARY!!!

 

I am going to try and explain the challenges of reading body language for me and other people with Aspergers right now.

Italics will play inner dialogue. Bold will play external dialogue.

Wow, a girl is looking at me. It could be multiple options is there something on my face/ am I in their way?

No, they are smiling so obviously that cannot be it. Okay umm, are they just being friendly or do they like me?  The only way I can find out is if I ask them; because I am not getting any signals. But wait, if I simply go ahead and ask them; maybe that will put them in an awkward situation and turn them off.  I am going to stare at their chest because from basketball I learnt that is the center of the body, it’s easier to go up and down from there with my eyes. Look, are they indicating anything with their feet. What about the way their arms are? If their feet point towards me that is a good sign, but if their feet are pointing in opposite directions, shoot I forget what that means. If their feet are facing the exit than they are obviously bored and want to get out of this conversation. Their arms aren’t crossed, that’s a good sign. Any little twitch could be a sign you don’t want to miss anything.  She’s playing with her fingernails, is that a sign of boredom or a sign of grooming herself because I read somewhere that grooming oneself is a sign of interest.  Now proceed to look at them in the face. Back to the body, wow she has really nice breasts. Not to big, not to small, and look how round they are. She’s definitely wearing a bra. Wow did she just catch me staring?

So what do you do?”

Okay. That’s not the worst line, keep up the small talk. Wait is my staring at her intensely beginning to make her feel awkward? Look away, dammit. Don’t make her feel awkward. Wait, if I look away will she think that I am not interested in her and that I’m not really listening? Is it an indication of boredom? What is my body doing? Am I conveying signs of interest without being overeager and am I matching her body language and where she’s at.

Oh ya, is that interesting?” 

Wait. Am I beginning to focus too much on myself and in my head? Am I in the moment? Wow this is exhausting? What am I doing the rest of the day?

Bye”

Hmm, I wonder why that didn’t go so well. What was her body trying to tell me? She totally isn’t interested in me at all. Stop being so negative, maybe she is. How can she be interested in me when I make her feel so unnatural? Conversation usually flows so smoothly like tennis back and forth, back and forth. In this case, it was more of you hit it, she hit back, you had no clue how to play the shoot and you spent twenty minutes trying to figure out whether to bump it or set it. You’re mixing your sports metaphors. You probably misinterpreted something and played the wrong shot, but the only way to know is at the end of the game. It looks like this game is going to be pretty short. Speaking of short, she’s really not that tall is she? Will she prefer a guy closer to her own height? Oh well, you can’t control that.

At this point I am usually quite negative and am about ready to give up any hope I have of this girl having any romantic interest in me and call it a wash. This negativity is the death of any hope of anything that may have existed in the first place. That is what usually goes through the head of me and other people with Aspergers or Autism when it comes to reading body language. I hope, this has been insightful and provides a bit more clarity with what is going on in my head every single time I talk to a girl. Talking to a guy is a similar script but is a slight variation on this internal script for one thing configuring around the fact that I am trying to instigate a platonic relationship not a romantic one, which can often be just as hard and frightening.

There are all kinds of stupid movies out there from the really stupid to the moderately stupid. Some of these stupid movies have a sacred place in our hearts. Here are my top 10 ten sacred dumb movies.

1. Clueless. Cher Horowitz is brilliant in her shallow clueless way.

 

2. Legally Blonde. Is there a pattern here? A beautiful blonde who plays someone who seems completely clueless and then has a way of weaving into our hearts. I really enjoyed this movie, lots of people would say its just dumb and I say no its a dumb feel good movie. Although Legally Blonde 2 Red, White and Blue should never have been made.

3. Captain Orgaszmo. A hilarious take on the porn industry, when an innocent mormon is in the wrong place at the wrong time and is given the lead role in a porno where he plays a superhero Captain Orgaszmo who eventually becomes a real life hero.

 

4. Spice World. The Spice girls had a huge comeback show at the closing ceremony and their movie was ridiculously dumb but feel good.

5. Surf Ninjas. Three teenagers, who are surfers find out that they are really princes and somehow automatically become good fighters taking on trained ninjas to save the day. Because ninjsitu and surfing have sooo much in common.  

6. The New Kids on the Block movie. Needs no more description if you are in mood for a really bad movie watch it.

7. Kazaam. Shaq plays a genie. Shaq may be the most entertaining basketball player of all time, but he is definitely no actor.

8.  Hot Fuzz. I was unsure about listing this one because its the only one on the list which seems like it was intentionally dumb. It’s about a big city cop moving to a small city. 

I know most people are expecting Dumb and Dumber to make the list but really I did not enjoy it enough. Also Borat, and Bruneau are not dumb enough to make the list. Soul Plane is plenty dumb but it was terrible and I refuse to list it.

9. Baseketball. This movie about making a mix between basketball and baseball had some really funny moments.

10. While I am going to leave the 10th spot open to suggestions from readers.

At the end of the Olympics I question whether I was right in my previous post about the Olympics. Is it really a waste of money? Yes it is a lot of money but who can say that they weren’t carried away as the Canadian women’s soccer team almost upset the American powerhouse only to lose due to some bad refereeing. Is this really the best time to decide whether the olympics are a good use of money when people are so emotional? I don’t know I mean right now I’m thinking libraries are so unromantic, who cares about health care when that money could be used for knocking that superior look off of the American Women’s soccer team.

Is there anything that can be as uplifting as watching the South African man without legs compete against men with legs? I mean as a person with Aspergers I felt like his triumph was all of our triumph giving a kick in the groin to the status quo. And on such a grand stage. If you ask me that is absolutely priceless and can not be factored into dollars and pennies.  There is no spreadsheet that can calculate the good feeling that came out of that. Watching Usain Bolt demolish everyone in grand fashion was amazing and it did not cost Canadians a penny. Did it have to be Canadian’s to beat the American female soccer team that would have brought me joy or would anyone beating them make me happy? Could Canada really just enjoy the Olympics from the sidelines, and have the incredible joy and satisfaction from the games I think so. 

We didn’t even achieve our goal of finishing in the top 12 because smaller countries such as Hungary finished with better performances than we did. Is it because they are Hungarier than we are? Maybe Canadians are just not meant to be athletes and we are better as musicians and in other fields of endeavor? Winnipeg definitely kicks ass in improv with Crumbs, and Outside joke so maybe that should be our calling card instead of sports. If we gave them the money I think we would get a much better return on the dollar. If we are generous I think maybe Hot Thespian Action could use a few dollars to compete against the Americans and also some money to me for setting up this alternative.

Britney Spears A great Judge ?

Those are words that I would never imagine would go together. I mean all the 24 hour weddings, decisions to marry Kevin Federline, her backup dancer who was already married at the time and have his child, and all her other decisions don’t exactly ring of someone you would ever call a good judge, nevermind great and go to for any kind of advice or mentoring, but that is exactly what fellow Mickey Mouser Christina Aguilera had to say about Britney. Granted, Aguilera is not exactly someone who is going to say anything off-script like Lady Gaga but I still expect better of her. Lady Gaga is a riot, she’s a great musician and she is much more passionate about causes than most pop singers out there such as her work with the GLBT community.  

Christina Aguilera Christina Aguilera says Britney Spears will be a great X-Factor Judge. 

 There are so many talented female artists such as Feist, Aretha Franklin, Madonna who you would love to see mentor the future generation of musical artists Britney Spears is not a name that is even on the radar in my mind. Can you imagine more versions of “Baby, hit me one more time” or “Toxic”. Oh Gevalt.  I mean why are we even having Christina Aguilera a judge and mentor on American Idol, oh well at least I can live with her and don’t think she’s as terrible judge as Britney.

I would love to see Joan Jett mentor future artists that would be awesome because she has so much to teach about being a rocker, about rock and roll and about feminism. If she did mentor anyone I imagine it would look something like the band, Pussy Riot, out in Russia.

How do I get my topics to write about everyday people always want to know. Well, I got my topic from the newspaper, I skipped over all the actual news sections because I am not the right person to comment on anything such as the Syria situation or whether or not the Colorado theatre murderer is actually crazy or just evil and sane.

No my topic is on binging which I have to admit that I have made a habit of, even though it always gives me a terrible headache afterwards and leaves me more confused than when I started. No I am not talking about binging on food, or alcohol but rather binging on television series. Getting television series off of Itunes or the library and watching the whole season over a couple of days. There are many reasons why I do this for example, during the year there are just too many shows and I refuse to base my schedule around what is on television when. Instead, I will just PVR it and watch it later. Also my family does not prescribe to HBO, therefore, shows such as United States of Tara starring one of my favourite comedians Paton Oswald, and Dexter are only available as seasons from the library. How wicked is it that the library gets these popular series despite the lack of educational content. The library works hard and does a good job of maintaining its relevancy by picking up the slack when the movie rental places such as Blockbusters or Rogers video went under.  

Major issues are whether it is better to see these characters on a daily basis or to see them alot over a short period of time. While, I loved the Wire and Sopranos I never developed an emotional relationship over the characters, therefore, both sides make irrelevant arguements in this regard for me. I guess it’s because Aspergers makes it harder to become emotionally connected to people I don’t think are real. Sopranoes we watched for a longtime from the dvds and sometimes watched two episodes a day and I think my mom is more emotionally connected to the characters than I was.

I like the little blurb on the DVD what the episode is going to be about so I can focus on those issues but I never watch what previously happened because its not necessary I just watched it I remember what happened duh.

In terms of suspense I hate waiting therefore, I prefer being able to watch it all at once, but I don’t really live in that much suspense and forget about what just happened when I am not watching it, therefore this arguement is not detrimental either way.  Although, I hate watching bad things happen and usually shut my eyes or fast forward through the part or just change the channel when its live tv.

I can see watching all the episodes at once may ruin the story arch and confuse it with the series arch.

Another thing to take into consideration that previous arguements have not is when you take a season out of the library you only have a week to watch it, therefore, unless you want to spend alot more money to buy it you only have that week if its popular and other people have requested it. Otherwise it could be ages before you get a chance to watch it again.

As I mentioned in my previous post “My Secret Obsession” people with Aspergers tend to have a narrow area of focus, or comfort zone. It is equally true when it comes to food. For a long time I wouldn’t eat anything that was from the sea. I still am iffy about eating calamari when they have faces, and won’t touch anchovies. One particular area of sea animals I avoid is fish. Until recently like the last six months I wouldn’t eat any fish but then I started eating fried Halibut when it was breaded and soaked in beer batter. However, over the last few days I ate Halibut on its own which is much healthier.

Halibut with a Lemon Dill Caper Sauce on Fettuccine

My problem with seafood has been more with the texture than the actual taste. However, I feel like if you try something enough times you grow accustomed to it and can start eating it like with avocado. Therefore, my next project is to start eating salmon as I am already taking Salmon oil vitamins and salmon is supposed to be really healthy for you.  However, my favourite cusine still is pretty mainstream Italian Lasagna (meat and veggy), Chinese-American sweet and sour chicken balls, and American hamburgers. I also tend to drink only pale beers such as the St James Pale Ale and Keiths. Therefore, I will at some point probably write a post about the different types of beers out there and how I expanded my beer palette.

Local Winnipeg group Hot Thespian Action just won the ACTRA Golden Boy Award for Best Member Iniated Projects of the Year.   This group consisting of Jacquelin Loewen, Jane Testar, Shannon Guile, Garth Brooks (Merkeley) and Ryan Miller have been interesting audiences for nearly half a decade with their comedic antics. As well they have been part of the Winnipeg Comedy Festival and are always one of the best shows in the fringe Festival which they sell-out. According to a facebook status “I sent all my friends to see them … very funny”    Probably my favourite sketch from last year of their’s was my Gay best friend, my favourite this year was either back up singer idol or Gay or straight game show. Back up singer idol is a great take on all of the singing contests out there right now, there are so many and they are so ridiculous. I also thought Gay or straight was funny too, boy do I have the worst gay-dar. I was at a show an hour and half before the show started and they were already sold out at that point. The many skills they all have to draw on from physical antics, to writing skills to comedic timing is something to be marveled at.  Was it the funniest show I saw this year? I don’t know Crumbs are hilarious but what are they really Crumbs off of What because that would be the most incredible Cake ever!  performing every second tuesday of the month at the King’s head when they are not on the road being all-stars, as well DND was also up there. If you missed DND you can go to their website and view the whole festival worth of shows. Jacquelin was actually one of the TA’s for my stage combat class I took from the University of Winnipeg. Even though, I have horrible hand-eye-coordination I still enjoy a good roll on mats. All their hard-work pays off every time they go onto stages as they delight their audience. I hear they even have a television pilot in the works but for now we will keep that hush hush. Not only are they incredibly talented they are also some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Just ask anyone who knows them. In fact, I have a pin from their merchandising from their fringe show which I keep on my bedside table and look at every morning and night and try to aspire to the same excellence this group has been showing for years. I hope one day I too can sell out shows the way they have and everyone walk out equally delighted and inspired. Though my comedy chops are not nearly on the same level as theirs are and though I may never reach that pinnacle of success they are the perfect role models to look up to. That nice people actually can finish on top as long as you have the talent and you work hard enough on your craft.