Archive for September 12, 2012

I constantly am talking about my relationship woes and how I can’t get a girlfriend. Therefore people are probably thinking but Adam you must have come close to getting a girlfriend at least once in your life. Yes people I  did come close once in the following section I will describe in detail this event from my saga of a life.

Back in grade 7, believe it or not, I was kind of cool. My friend even predicted that I would get a girlfriend before he did. I was hilarious all the guys and girls wanted to be near me. Everyone in their life has a peak socially where they are the man/Woman. My Peak was the end of grade 7 and the beginning of grade 8. In the last class of the day I was joking around with this fine blonde. Skinny, dirty blonde hair, beautiful smile granted she was not the knockout at this point she would later become but she was still quite cute. I kept asking her out and she would be like “Adam stop being so silly”. Therefore, I did not think she had any romantic interest in me whatsoever.

Therefore, the next day after playing basketball at lunch I came back to the homeroom that we were in and she was just sitting there reading a book. So I jokingly said “will you go out with me?” At first she didn’t look up and wasn’t paying attention until one of my female friends who was also in the room got her attention. When she did answer she said “yes” she would go out with me. However, thinking that she had no interest and that she would be in on the joke she would realize that I expected her to say “Adam stop being so silly!” Therefore, when she said yes I was so caught up in the momentum of the joke I said immediately after “just kidding”. She was really hurt in the silly way grade 7 and 8’s can be hurt when it comes to their emotions.

  Why did I say “just kidding”, there are two possible reasons. Reason one is that I was not ready for a relationship even of the simpliest kind that grade 4’s have until I was in grade 9. I was not ready to hold someone’s hand and have it mean anything romantically or anything more than that I just wanted to hold someone’s hand.  The other reason is that I thought that she would understand that it was a joke because of the previous day that I was completely caught by suprise when she said yes.

Maybe as a result of this hurtful thing I did I have not had a relationship yet and maybe my life would have been completely different after getting this early experience. Maybe I would have gone on and been more successful romantically. I believed this for many years. That this early experience would have made me a much more confident man and therefore females would be more attracted to me. Yet now I believe that even if I had had this experience I would still have Aspergers and therefore, still have a hard time connecting with another person by seeing the world the way they did or by picking up cues which would have steered me in the right direction. 

However, this encounter has been the closest I have ever been to being in a romantic relationship.

So as my social science’s experiment of me trying out plenty of fish comes to a close here are my two major findings. The findings are not presented in any order based on weight of the insight.

   1. First I found out that I hate people who toss around the terms LOL (Laugh out Loud) or any equivalent word signifying that they are laughing, lightly. First I doubt if when they write that they are actually laughing out loud, therefore, when I actually do type in something hilarious I doubt their sincerity in appreciating the joke. It’s just like if every time you asked someone “how they are?” in conversation and they replied “amazing” then you really have no way of gauging how they really are. Second of all that word begins to lose all significance when talking to them or when talking to other people. If someone actually is “LOL”ing and they type LOL in at this point I am so jaded that I am like “Whatever”. Which is a darn tooting shame because LOL is really actually quite the smart acronym before it was overused. This is also how I often feel when listening to many songs on the radio. For example, Lonely Island’s “I am on a boat” is actually quite a funny song which I hate because it was overplayed on the radio or bars within the first week of me hearing the song. If someone is a LOLer I am likely going to want to end the relationship before I really get a chance to know them, like I did with a girl on Plenty of Fish “POF”. Granted I am extremely biased and if a Victoria Secret Model was beginning every message with LMFAO or haha I would probably reluctantly drudge through it.

    Second observation, spelling and grammar really matter when that is all someone has to judge your intelligence by. If anyone has been following this blog, or admittedly reads a single blog, you will find within my work poor spelling and grammar scattered around. Therefore, this is probably a major turn-off to any potential relationships on POF. This could be one reason why I have been so far unsuccessful in starting relationships on the aforementioned website. A grammar mistake does not only suggest lack of intelligence but lack of care of the other person as well as how one presents oneself so I completely understand why this would be a turn-off but as you can all imagine it still happens. One girl was actually lecturing me on POF about my grammar mistakes and that was super annoying  SUPER ANNOYING.  Spelling and grammar also matter on WordPess, therefore, this could partly explain why my “views” or “likes” are way down compared to some other members websites. The people who know me power through my mistakes realizing that there is more to me than my poor writing would let on, while, strangers are turned off and turn off. This is only one theory, however, that I have postulated for my numbers. In my defence realizing this problem I did have an editor for a short while but she quickly quit when she realized the sheer amount of work involved.

   Back to the POF findings. It could also be that the girls who I messaged can be considered “10”s by POF standard, which admittedly is not as tough grading as regular life. While the pictures I posted on POF on the other hand would earn me a 7.523 for looks on the regular life scale and 8.3 according to the POF standard therefore the girls may not have any interest in meeting me.

In conclusion: Live Long and Prosper! Also that maybe POF just is not right for me and that I prefer the old-fashioned trying to meet people face-to-face. I just have to go and find new venues to meet people instead of spending all my time in comedy bars if I am actually interested in meeting people or accept that the fun I get from hanging out with the same people and watching quality entertainment outweighs my need for a romantic relationship.

I am totally fed up with the discrimination against people with Aspergers and I want to shout, I just don’t know who to shout at. Females have males, African-Americans have white people who do I have to blame? I will give an example of what I am talking about.

      Say, I am up against another person in the workplace, they have better sales and are more likeable, therefore, they will recieve the promotion. I can’t blame the management the other person’s numbers are better. However, I feel like I have just been penalized for having Aspergers and being socially awkward. I probably have worked as hard or harder than the other person, arrived just as early and stayed just as late if not later than they did and yet at the end of the day they will get the promotion because they have better numbers. Therefore, I am being kept down for things that are out of my control, just like African-Americans were kept down for the colour of their skin or women are kept down because of their gender. 

    Or take social situations. Women feel that they are treated differently because of their gender and have whole movements which are about striving for equality. That’s harder to have a whole movement to strive for equal treatment when you have Aspergers. Since there is no clear enemy like patriarchy.  Everyone thinks they are treating you equally but the second you don’t understand things as quickly such as facial or social cues they put you in a box. Sure they are still trying hard to be nice to you, but when it comes to making social arrangements you will never be the first person to be called. If you are called at all. But the whole time you feel like you can’t really blame them because “you two didn’t click as well as they did with other people” they just don’t feel the same way about you and they can’t talk to you as easily, who can “blame them right?” Well you can’t exactly put rules on who people are friends with, or who they date, don’t for a second think that this isn’t discrimination.

   Women should be allowed to decide who they date. If they don’t decide to date the guy who doesn’t pick up on their little cues and who they have “chemistry” or a “connection” with who can blame them? Why date the guy who is constantly saying the wrong things or just doesn’t understand things the way you do? I mean I am sure that they have other people who will understand them better? Why doesn’t he just find a girl with Aspergers as well to date? You know, why can’t they just date amongst themselves? Keep to their own kind. Need I go on. This discrimination is so subtle and I can’t really get upset with any individual girl for not wanting to date me. It’s survival of the fittest out in the dating world am I right?

   There is also the arguement that it is not only people with Aspergers and other disabilities that get discriminated against but what about fat and ugly people. I could starve myself until I am sick and constantly workout. I can even get cosmetic surgery but there is nothing I can do to drastically change how my mind works or how I think.

  All I can say is it is extremely fustrating. I want to start a movement such as equal rights for people with Aspergers but its not even about rights. Rights can be legislated, it is much harder to do anything about people’s instinctual responses.