Aspergers and the closest I have ever come to being in a relationship

Posted: September 12, 2012 in life, relationships, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I constantly am talking about my relationship woes and how I can’t get a girlfriend. Therefore people are probably thinking but Adam you must have come close to getting a girlfriend at least once in your life. Yes people I  did come close once in the following section I will describe in detail this event from my saga of a life.

Back in grade 7, believe it or not, I was kind of cool. My friend even predicted that I would get a girlfriend before he did. I was hilarious all the guys and girls wanted to be near me. Everyone in their life has a peak socially where they are the man/Woman. My Peak was the end of grade 7 and the beginning of grade 8. In the last class of the day I was joking around with this fine blonde. Skinny, dirty blonde hair, beautiful smile granted she was not the knockout at this point she would later become but she was still quite cute. I kept asking her out and she would be like “Adam stop being so silly”. Therefore, I did not think she had any romantic interest in me whatsoever.

Therefore, the next day after playing basketball at lunch I came back to the homeroom that we were in and she was just sitting there reading a book. So I jokingly said “will you go out with me?” At first she didn’t look up and wasn’t paying attention until one of my female friends who was also in the room got her attention. When she did answer she said “yes” she would go out with me. However, thinking that she had no interest and that she would be in on the joke she would realize that I expected her to say “Adam stop being so silly!” Therefore, when she said yes I was so caught up in the momentum of the joke I said immediately after “just kidding”. She was really hurt in the silly way grade 7 and 8’s can be hurt when it comes to their emotions.

  Why did I say “just kidding”, there are two possible reasons. Reason one is that I was not ready for a relationship even of the simpliest kind that grade 4’s have until I was in grade 9. I was not ready to hold someone’s hand and have it mean anything romantically or anything more than that I just wanted to hold someone’s hand.  The other reason is that I thought that she would understand that it was a joke because of the previous day that I was completely caught by suprise when she said yes.

Maybe as a result of this hurtful thing I did I have not had a relationship yet and maybe my life would have been completely different after getting this early experience. Maybe I would have gone on and been more successful romantically. I believed this for many years. That this early experience would have made me a much more confident man and therefore females would be more attracted to me. Yet now I believe that even if I had had this experience I would still have Aspergers and therefore, still have a hard time connecting with another person by seeing the world the way they did or by picking up cues which would have steered me in the right direction. 

However, this encounter has been the closest I have ever been to being in a romantic relationship.

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