Aspergers on the early years continued

Posted: October 3, 2012 in aspergers, life
Tags: , , , ,

The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me as a child was when my
chair broke underneath me. I was a heavy child, but I was not that
overweight that a character should not have been able to take my weight.
Part of the reason why the chair was so weak or what I tell myself is
because I used to constantly rock on my chairs back and forth. I don’t know
why this was, but it could have been an Aspergian thing. At the time I had
no explanation for why I would behave in this way and it all came to a head
when my chair broke underneath me and I was shamed in front of the whole
class, however, now that I have read stories about other people who had
Aspergers this rocking back and forth seems to be a common trait.
At the time when my chair broke underneath me I must have seemed like
such a plumper whose chair could not stand the weight underneath them. Even
to this day this experience haunts me.

Another childhood experience that caused me no end of grief was that I once
was invited to a dance party at my friends house and everyone paired up
with someone except for me. Trying to turn the thing into a joke I
pretended to dance with a broom but really it was such a shameful
experience. Also previously to that everyone at the party went through the
guys and girls who they liked and would date. 3 of the girls I had a crush
on were there and when it came to my turn in the circle I refused to say.
So someone else who I thought was my friend and I had told in private told
everyone else. This betrayal really hurt. What hurt even more is the look
on the girls’ faces of disgust when they heard I had a crush on them. Then
everyone went through who they had a crush on and I was the only one at the
party that not a single girl had a flicker of interest in. I had no clue
what was so disgusting about me or why no one liked me.

All I had ever tried to do was be a nice person that others could respect
and like. Later when I came to acceptance that I had Aspergers I saw that I
was not alone and many Aspergians have this problem. They too must have
thought that they were all alone because there were not that many people
diagnosed with Aspergers at the time that unless they were placed in a
special school they probably didn’t know a single other person at their
school who had been diagnosed.

Nor was the media much help as I mentioned
there were, are still, few celebrity role models who have Aspergers except
for Temple Grandin and her work is not very interesting for a young child
who only cares about actors, sports stars and celebrities. Even knowing
that John A Macdonald or one of the prime ministers of Canada or a
historical figure had Aspergers would help to have someone to look up to.
Instead we saw all these celebrities who had great social lives and lost
their virginity before they were 18. Therefore, to have not even
french-kissed a girl by what we young children considered, late age it felt
like something was wrong with me and that I would never be able to catch-up
with the rest of society and respected and admired. Nor would I be able to
contribute anything worthwhile to society but instead would be a strain
like old people who can no longer work until they are led off to die in the
woods like Star Trek. I just figured they would do that to me at a much
younger age.

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