Aspergers on Preparations

Posted: October 5, 2012 in aspergers, comedy, entertainment, life
Tags: , ,

There is nothing worse than going to a pity party and not even being offered a cup of tea. Now I am not saying that a person who is breaking down and telling you how terrible their day is should stop, go out to the store at that moment and buy some tea. I also think it’s really awkward for the other person it’s hard to be like “yeah I get that your day sucks but hold on two seconds your going to unload all your problems on me and you aren’t even going to offer me a cup of Earl Gray and maybe a tea biscuit or a small piece of cake to go with it.” I mean this really shows a lack of preparation on the bereaved person’s behalf. Therefore, I apologize to everyone who reads my blog who doesn’t first boil themselves some tea and makes themselves fully ready for me to unload whatever story about how hard having Aspergers is or how unfair the world is and about how no one understands us. I would offer to boil you the tea first but it is a bit difficult over the whole internet thing, therefore, at this point I would like to offer you this heartfelt apology and recommendation that you have tea at hand when reading my blog.  Some people would recommend having wine for a whine party, however, I cannot advocate this. That would require too much alcohol which would either be a distractant from moi, or would make you emotionally unstable making you get too caught up and once again the focus may drift from moi.  Another problem, that my preparing the tea for you would cause is that people read the blogs at different times and by the time you got to the pity party in your own good time, not that I can blame you, after all everyone else does have their schedule’s and lives that don’t revolve around me as much as they should.

My personal recommendation is Earl Grey with just less than a quarter cup of tea poured into the cup first. What can I say I was raised in the British traditions, and a table spoon of sugar. In terms of cookies, anything that you have in your cupboard at the time will suffice. However, right now I am craving those vanilla cookies with cherry on the top of the little cookie sandwhich or a chocolate and strawberry wafer cookie. No not some crazy mix of the wafer cookies but two separate cookies. Good, now that you have done that you might as well be generous and pour a cup of tea for anyone else who is home right now?

  I do not have anything against mint teas, green teas or teas of any other flavour this is just my personal recommendation you can take it or leave it.  

Now you are ready to read the blog at your computer, however, if it is too noisy in your computer room may I suggest printing it out and finding a quiet place to read such as outdoors if it is a nice day. I like to think that people are bringing a little piece of me into all kinds of sunny gorgeous weather, well the physical me has to suffer the biting cold weather we have right now in Winnipeg. I know this may not be the most environmental method and you may feel bad that printing paper is a waste, however, on the back of the page you can write all the reasons why you are glad that you are not me and take notes of everyone you want to call and tell that you love for your wonderful life. If you also have Aspergers and reading about my life, realizing that you have someone who is in the same place and shares your pain and this does not make you better; than you are officially a weirdo and there is nothing I can write that will make you feel better so go scurry off and make the most of your day. For the rest of you, if there is room left over on the back of the page why don’t you just write your grocery list as well. Having a written grocery list is much better and you will thank me later because of all the money you save and the fact you didn’t buy crap that you don’t need and won’t ever eat.

Now that you are fully ready you can go onto the next blog which is more likely going to have a more serious tone and be darker of nature. Enjoy.

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