Aspergers and shyness

Posted: November 18, 2012 in aspergers, life
Tags: , ,
 Shyness
I am extremely shy around people I don’t know, unless its at a comedy show where I feel like I have the whole comedy community backing me up. However, if I showed up at a wedding social where I didn’t know many people you would hardly hear a peep from me. I am extremely anxious about approaching new people because I am afraid that it will bring pain. The emotional pain of someone laughing at me. Even when someone is trying to be nice and give me a compliment my anxiety level acts up. For example, when I was in the Art student’s intro to biology for my mandatory credit, these girls decided to be nice to me and befriend. However, every time they gave me a compliment about how much I knew about the material we were discussing because I worked really hard outside of the class,  I thought that they were making fun of me and I was just too stupid to know how.
    I even get shy around people I know. For example, last night I was fine whenever I was in a conversation but when the group conversation was over I felt really awkward about simply going to go find another group to join their conversation. What if they were having a private conversation? What if they didn’t want me to know what they were talking about? What if they were talking about how big of a dork I was? I would eventually go and join other conversations but I was reluctant to speak and get my two cents in in case I said something that was dumb. Also remember these are people who I am friends with, therefore, I should feel more comfortable going up and talking to them than I do with most everyone else and yet I still felt my anxiety level increase. This awkwardness and anxiety of conversation is not a unique trait to me but is common for anyone who has been extremely awkward in past experiences, ie anyone with Aspergers. 
   I really don’t have much advice for people with Aspergers for overcoming it. Other than pointing out that we all have a negative voice in our head and if the people who we hungout with didn’t like us they could easily come up with excuses for not including you. If someone you don’t know gives you a compliment don’t automatically jump to assumptions and if you are not sure that they are being genuine, ask!! Asking might be embarrassing but it is much better than automatically assuming the worst. Some people might actually admire you and be genuinely interested in being your friend.
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Comments
  1. Linda says:

    I know this is going to come across as a dumb solution but it works for me. I have a drink or two and that eases the social anxiety. My friend who also has social anxiety doesn’t drink so he takes an Ativan or half of one. Hope that helps.

    • mrasperger says:

      Thank you for sharing Linda. I am able to overcome my social anxiety for the most part, I don’t think that taking anything would help because it has to do more with unresolved issues than a chemical reaction in a social situation.

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