aspergers on thinking logically instead of emotionally

Posted: November 23, 2012 in advocacy, aspergers, life, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

People with Aspergers have a completely different way of seeing the world than everyone else. Now I’m not saying that everyone who doesn’t have Aspergers is wrong I am just saying that you are wired differently; because, we see the world logically instead of in an emotionally sensitive way.

One time, me and my buddies had the afternoon off school and were lounging in my friend’s basement. My friend, who is a girl had the sun shining down on her and in the light I was looking at her made her look like a goddess. This reflection of my thoughts drew me to say;  “for a second there, I wanted to make out with you what was I thinking?” She was extremely offended and took it as an insult. Probably inferring from it that I was saying  “why would anyone want to make out with her?” Which is not at all what I said. What I said  from my perspective  was, that I had no clue, where these new outlandish feelings were coming from.  Why did I suddenly have an urge to kiss a girl that I was just friends with? To voice these thoughts for me felt super natural and logical and there was no attempt to insult. Non-aspergites would have handled the situation differently by not saying anything at all. Or saying something like you look “nice shirt”. In the former case, everyone would have missed out on a funny strange line of thinking that was worth pondering and in the latter case, they would not be honest in what they were actually thinking.  They feel that voicing your thoughts when they are politically incorrect is taboo.

Another example, of my blunt honesty (which is not being blunt at all, but saying what you are thinking which is only logical. ) I will tell a girl that she looks “hot”. This does not mean that I am trying to initiate a sexual relationship, it means that I am simply telling them that they have a good body and face and am giving them a compliment just like someone might say that is really a nice sweater. The truth is most of the time when a guy says that he doesn’t really care about the sweater but is being emotionally sensitive instead of saying what he is really thinking, which is that the girl looks really sexy in whatever she is wearing.  This does not seem logical to me, why banter around words instead of being honest and saying what you are actually thinking? Why have a conversation when the point is to send and receive information when neither party is actually saying what they think?

This honesty often gets me into trouble.  Since it can come across as rude or insensitive. It is most likely, because I don’t read body or tonal language very well I only have one way to get the message across which is my words. While other people who read body language and tonal language can express themselves by having conversations which are layers and layers beneath their actual words. It seems very spy-esque instead of straightforward but since most people do it without thinking about it, it is only complex when you try to analyse and explain it to someone who does not do the same.

Advice for people with Aspergers: Try to avoid comments about people’s appearances as all these examples show it will only get you into trouble. Furthermore, avoid conversations about religion, politics with those you are not close with as they  are tricky topics as they will often come back to bit you in the arse. You will not understand things the way others do, therefore, instead of pretending that you do ask alot of questions. Even this is not a fail-safe method as the questions we ask may be the wrong ones and someone may share some juicy gossip for us to enjoy and if we ask the wrong questions it will ruin the moment. Like all areas of your life you have to accept that there will be many cases where you will mess up, just remember it is not your fault and you are only doing your best. Many things are out of your control and you did not ask to be born this way anymore than a short person or a person with red hair asked to be born the way they are.

  1. mew says:

    All of these examples are things that people without aspergers do, all the time.

  2. Stella says:

    I do not often have opinions about people’s overall appearance – if they’re happy with how they look, I’m happy! I do notice specific things though. I may say “nice sweater” or “nice hair” to someone I do not know, and that is exactly what I mean. I wonder what they think I’m trying to do if this is supposed to be part of a code? I’m also told that it can be awkward to compliment a man on his appearance. Surely not?

  3. mrasperger says:

    Yes, why should complimenting a man about his appearance be more awkward than a woman.

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