Archive for September, 2013

There has never been a time in history better than now, to have Aspergers. Not only are they able to diagnose it more frequently and therefore provide more assistance, but, equally important is the rise of the nerd culture. In the past, things like adults playing Nintendo games or reading comic books used to be frowned upon and were not something that people could talk about or engage in openly without fear of being considered dorks and nerds and without facing potential reprecussions, including but not limited to, the loss of respect. As a result, people had to pretend that they were either into sports or cars. Comic books and video games are activities that people with Aspergers have typically been drawn to. Video games provide us with an escape, and helped us feel some control, in a world that we often find too confusing and crazy. The fact that people now are more open about sharing our interests in video games, instead of restricting these activities as only appropriate for teenagers and children, means that we can have conversations and come across as less weird and more social. In addition, with the rise of the nerd culture it is no longer considered strange to be really, really into something like animated television or historical battles. I am not sure what brought about this rise in nerd culture making it into the mainstream culture as thus being more accepted, what I do know is that there has never been a better time than now to have Aspergers.

Recently, I was offered an oppertunity to be a regular contributor to the Jewish post. The articles for the newspaper will have to be tighter, shorter and more succinct than the ones I will be writing for here. I have had lots of fun writing on here about anything that has crossed my mind and from post to post the topics have been quite sporadic as I write about whatever I feel like letting my brain take me whichever direction it wanted to go as it was as free in the wind, while for the newspaper it will be much more focused as I will have to take one topic and write as much as possible on it, thus making the transition easier to follow. For that reason, I will still try to keep this blog up as an outlet of letting my creativity just flow out, which has allowed me to afterwards cherrypick the posts for stand-up comedy material. I have always had a hard time writing comedy material for its own sake, but, a blog usually has a point or a story which I am trying to tell; and therefore, are much easier to write. Also, blogs provide less pressure to be funny because they don’t need to be a laugh-a-minute. A perfect example, is this blog which is really, really, not that funny at all.

Judaism is very important to me because of what it stands for.

Education, I can easily get behind Judaism’s emphasis on education and how important knowledge is. I have always been interested in the world around me and have always tried to learn as much as I can since I think an informed person is a more interesting person. While other religions place more emphasis on faith such as Christianity, come on guys it doesn’t work if we don’t all believe. What do you mean someone rose from the dead, and isn’t a zombie? Judaism asks us to question everything and then do silly things because the Torah tells us to. I mean unmarried men and unmarried women who are unrelated can’t touch because something sexual might happen, slow down there a bit speedy.

I also can strongly relate to Judaism’s ability to survive and adapt. Every nation at one point or other has tried to give the Jews wipe the jews of the face of the earth, like a bad spill and a bounty towel, from the ancient Romans to 20th century French and Germans. The Jews have a hilarious attitude, whoooh, yippe we survived, I wonder what’s for dinner. I hope there is apple pie and whipping cream. Mmm pie.

The jews even achieved some success in the outside world I mean we built the pyramids and Hollywood not too shabby. Nevertheless, like people with Aspergers no matter how well we are doing, when things go badly Jews immediately stick out and are kicked. The Jews rounded up, me rejected by women. Ultimately that is why, I could never be an observant Jew is how could I believe that he/she/it could create a world where there is Aspergers and where someone, ie me, suffers with women so much. That God would create so many gorgeous females and yet make them all so unattainable, so close but yet so very far. I mean I can easily relate to my namesake and his adventures in Eden. What it was like for Moses but to be denied access to the promised land for some forgotten misdeed like hitting a rock instead of simply using his words.


Posted: September 15, 2013 in life
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I hate driving because of sensory overload. You are constantly having to check your mirrors, the street names as well as your speed. I mean if you don’t constantly check your mirrors you will get in a car accident and that nasty crunching sound of metal still makes me cringe, even though I haven’t been in any car accidents lately (Thank God! fingers crossed, hope this doesn’t jinx me). If you don’t constantly check the street names while bearing in mind the future streets coming up as well as the streets that you have already gone past and if that’s not enough you also have to keep in mind the destination. Remembering all of that is enough to give me a headache and if for a second you let off on this you’ll get completely lost. This isn’t as big of a problem for most people but as a result of my aspergers and trouble focusing on fine details I am constantly getting lost. In addition, since I have a hard time gettting organized I have the hardest time remembering what street comes next and have to consciously think about unless its an area I have already been to a million times.

Finally there is the speed. If you drive too slowly it will take forever getting anywhere and yet every single time I see a parked car at the side of the road I am instantly distracted by worrying about what speed I’m going even though I am just going the speed limit and looking into the other car to see if there is a camera which is really distracting and can make me feel like I am about to get into an accident. Therefore, I prefer to take the bus around but there are some places its -if not impossible to get to by bus- lets say very very difficult and time consuming and then there is the fear that I am going to be too late or early which is something that I have touched on in another blog about how this gives me anxiety issues.

Moving out #2

Posted: September 14, 2013 in aspergers, life
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The worst part of moving out is not the loneliness or the fact that I will have to cook for myself, no the very worst part is that I will have to shop for the place and I detest shopping. It is the bane of my existence. I mean, I have no problem with grocery shopping but when it comes to shopping where there is choice such as clothing shopping or furniture shopping, I suddenly freeze up when faced with decisions because I think I am going to pick the wrong one. I mean they are both good choices but if I pick the one on the left maybe I should have picked the one on the right. Maybe with the one on the left life will be fine and normal with work and comedy and everything but maybe if I choose the other one I would have gone down a magical path filled with candy lollipop trees, girls who want to spend time with me and self-respect. However, if I go with door number 2 maybe all of that stuff was really behind door number one. I will never know. Therefore, I am stuck with indecision and I don’t want to keep trying out more options because that just makes it harder to pick the right one and know which path will have led down to self-enlightenment.

Now, when you are furnishing a new place you dont need to simply make one decision, now you are stuck with a million little decisions just ready to overwhelm you and eat you alive.

Once you get back to your place all you can do is question every single one of those decisions because clearly you did something wrong because there are no lollipops and no girls.

moving out.

Posted: September 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

overnight I have become a whole new person. Now I have become a person who lives on his own with a world of responsibility having to have my bed sheet match my duffet, oy gevalt. People are constantly like, it’s your place you can have it, however you like. This is only completely true, however, if you never plan on entertaining guests as I can’t suddenly get junge bed sheets.

Having aspergers I have always had no sense of style but as long as I lived at home it wasn’t something I had to worry about as I had my parents sense of style when it came to couches and things. What if my place turns into one gigantic eye-sore and no one else can bare to stand the sight of it.

As a result, instead of helping you wooh girls, you are making girls feel like they are having an allergic visual reaction and want to puke a little in their mouths. Instead of being impressed with your independence that they are so disgusted with your taste that they feel that they can not trust your taste in anything. I mean he says he is a good cook, but he also thinks a brown couch likes okay with a purple throw pillow. I’m just going to make an excuse to leave instead of eating the dinner he says he spent hours cooking. I mean, if a girl can’t trust your taste in furniture, then they can’t really trust you and if they can’t really trust you, then they can’t really respect you.

Cooking is scary, I mean I know half-a-dozen recipes but unless I am in the process of cooking them if you ask me what I know how to cook my mind goes blank. In addition, I am horrible with fine details, therefore, I am going to go to the grocery store and forget something and only realize, when I am all the way home. Then, who really wants to go all the way back to the grocery store, seriously? Then, I am going to try and cook without it. Since, I cooked it I’ll convince myself that I like it and eventually become so convinced that I’ll try to cook for other people to only have them walk away with food poisoning. As a result, people will not want to come to my place since they will associate it with the last time they came over and got sick. As a result, I will get really lonely but have too much pride to want to move back home. As I will equate it with failure. Therefore, I’ll start talking to my lamps and furniture and everyone will assume I have become mad, which at this point, will in fact be true.

In addition, I am not a very materialistic person never worrying about having the fanciest of wash clothes but that was because when I lived at home I didn’t need to worry about that stuff as it was just there. It is going to suck the first time I reach down for a washcloth to find out that it’s in the laundry or I accidentally forgot it, in another part of the house. Things wander. Then you are left to wonder where you left them which is the recipe for disaster. Also, what if I forget to wash my wash clothes. I mean first you put it off because you think it’s not that dirty, then it slowly starts to smell until you get really really busy and the last thing you have time for is to wash that wash cloth but it is really reaking up the place. A wash cloth that goes unwashed can smell worse than rotten eggs.

Things will get so bad that I will start realizing that it is better to throw the attrocity of a wash cloth out and buy a new one than continue using the one I own. As a result, things will get better for awhile, but eventually the cycle will keep repeating itself.

Nevermind, the issue of getting anywhere on time, or getting there in the first place. I mean, right now I am pretty good at this, but as soon as I move out I will not have the same backup-systems in place. This can lead in many dire outcomes from the loss of stage-time, friends and even my job. I mean I’ll run into problems simpy becaue I can. On the other hand, maybe, I’ll become super self-reliant and be even more punctual and organized since I won’t have anyone to fall back on.

The truth is, however, that I cannot continue living at home as my parents are driving me crazy. All of these bad things can happen if I move out, but it is a guarantee that I will lose my mind if I don’t. In addition, I will remain forever in an infantile state which no one can appreciate and I will be the scourge of society. Excuses like you are trying to be environmental and reduce your footprint by sharing space only go so far.