An open letter to my Aspergers

Posted: March 21, 2015 in Uncategorized


But Seriously.. Dude

We have had are ups and downs. Like the way how you took away my life ambition’s of becoming an elementary school teacher. Granted, who really wants to work with those little brats. I mean seriously, parents these days suck. Also I wanted to be a teacher so I could make a difference and you probably have given me that opportunity. I mean I do the same thing as everyone else and I get way more credit for it. I mean you are essentially the only reason why I won that future 40 award. You also provide me most of my comedy material, and I gotta say I am a pretty kickass stand-up comedian. If I ever get enough paying gigs I will thank you in my Oscars speech. So what if I don’t get an Oscar speech just for being a stand-up comedian. I could always pull a Kanye West.

You also have done a good job making it so I am not overly concerned about material posessions like some kind of douchebag, or have the same hangups as Neurotypical people on unimportant things like tidiness.

You also made backpacking through Europe or Australia on my own impossible. Not cool dude, not cool at all. So what if a lot of people don’t backpack through Europe, you took away that possibility.

It’s also not cool how you made it so I’ve never even touched a naked boobie. I mean seriously, all of the other guys are getting married and I still haven’t touched a naked boobie. TOTALLY UNFAIR. Offside, not cool. I seriously should be a lot more pissed with you for that, than I am. Haha boobie. KNOCKERs. There are so many funny words for them. I mean are they really as soft and as cushy as they look. I mean I would love to use one of those as a pillow. Mmm sleep. Stop distracting me DUDE. What I am trying to say is TOTALLY OFFSIDE.

We have definitely had some kick ass times. Your like that guy who crashes on someone’s couch because you can’t be bothered to get a job and move out on your own. Yes you make me laugh. I should really be more mad at you than I am. But in the end what I can I say, you’re not going to get your own place anytime soon so I may as well make the best of the situation. Errrg. But seriously dude you can be so bloody annoying. Tisk tisk.

Also the thing with the poor hand-eye-coordination. Okay, so high school sports don’t really matter in the end. Yes it defines the pecking order and I would have been so much cooler and more respected but whateves. This thing about not even letting me cut out a straight line. Wow that’s going a little too far.

I would totally give you the boot, but since I can’t. It is what it is.

PS. Please do not write back. In fact if you could try to make your presence as scarce as possible for the next while that would be great.



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