Archive for the ‘movies’ Category

  Everyone has one movie that really truly speaks to their existence and their life. That movie for me is Gattaca. I, however, was introduced to it in such a funny weird way. A movie starring Jude Law, Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman, pre-Batman days, should be  popular enough that all the young people are talking about it. I guess it was before any of them became the big stars that they eventually became. I was introduced to it in a Jewish ethics class in high school. Most of the movies that they get you to watch at school are absolutely drek or are ruined by the fact that you are watching them at school with a bunch of your classmates who can’t take anything serious but just want to waste time. When we watched 12 Angry Men we watched the same part in class at least six times.   


    However, Gattica really spoke to my experience of growing up with Aspergers. The story is about a guy named Vincent who was naturally born or “human born” in a future where everyone else is born out of artificial wombs so that parents can have the designer baby. A baby exactly the way they want it free from any potential disease or imperfection. Therefore, almost every door to his future is closed to him. Forunately, he is able to take on the identity of a second man played by Jude Law. Jude Law’s character, Jerome, was born to be perfect, however, due to an accident he is left in a wheelchair. Luckily not many other people know about the incident, therefore, he is able to rent his identity to Vincent so that Vincent can get a job at NASA or the equivalent in the movie. Using Antonn’s blood and urine samples he is able to fool all of the tests and get into the system. Which begins a game of cat and mouse between Vincent and the people who try to maintain status quo including his brother who was a designer baby. Vincent is ultimately successful in fooling the system and getting what he wants.

Well my own relationship with my family has been great and they have never been anything but supportive caring and with my best interests at heart the way they see them I too have always felt like an imposter. In my case, however, it has always been a case between neuropyschologically “normal” people and people with Aspergers. I have always struggled to fit in and thought I did it quite well. I played on the local sports teams, got invites to many of the parties, didn’t date the right girls, or any girls in my case, but wasn’t really looked down upon for it.

    However, I always felt like  that at any moment I could be found out and, therefore, ostracized for being different. I never felt comfortable always trying to figure out what the right thing to do or say was. I couldn’t simply be myself. I still often feel that way for example, last night I went to Rumor’s comedy club by myself and had to sit with a table of strangers because the rest of the club was packed. I was so worried that I would laugh at the wrong time or that people would notice I was there. I mean I still had a great time but these thoughts ran through my head.

  Only by acknowledging my Aspergers and accepting that  I did not fit in but was my own unique fit have I started learning to feel more comfortable with myself and my “unique personality” with its own strengths and weaknesses. As well as the limitations of my body which in the end don’t matter. Who cares if you are never the greatest basketball player if you are not in the NBA as long as you are having fun it is okay to be medicore. This is kind of ironic, only by admitting defeat that I was in fact different, was I able to achieve a more meaningful success. Totally, unlike, Vincent in Gattica.

   People are constantly suggesting that I see a movie called Adam or another movie where the main character has Aspergers thinking that I will relate to it. I might, but for the meantime I have found the movie that speaks to me and my experience.