Posts Tagged ‘Comedy’

The gym is often an Aspies biggest nightmare. There are always so many people there, so many machines going, and so many distractions. It really is just a matter of time, before something gives an Aspie sensory overload. Whether it’s watching the weights go up and down on the machines or the grunts from the serious weight lifters who are really doing much more weight than they should be doing, in my opinion. If you can’t do it quietly, without all the noise, then you are doing too much weight and you should tone it down a little. I am also trying to get my own exercise here, at the gym, without having to focus on what other people are doing.

Then there are the weight lifters themselves. When the world can feel completely unpredictable to you, because of all the chaos waiting to happen, it can be a scary place. People often don’t follow the rules. I don’t mean the rules that are posted, but, the rules of logical interactions which Aspies are all aware of, but that many other people don’t seem to know of or at least ever follow. For instance, when talking to someone, unless you two are hugging, you should always maintain body space of at least three meters. With all the chaos behind ever corner, weight lifters, these behemoths of men and women who don’t seem to have any fat to them, or cuddly bits, as I like to think of it, are extremely scary looking. You know that those muscles on the weightlifters have absolutely no practical application in today’s modern world and that they are just there to cause pain if they snap. Really, someone should restrain these “athletes” before it gets to this point, and explain to them that they are big enough, and getting any bigger really is an unfriendly, aggressive thing to do. Instead, we have to watch these people out of the corner of our eye at all times, while we try to lift our reasonable amount of weight.

Then there is just the pure number of people at the gym that is threatening. Look, I get that they also need to exercise and are just doing their thing. I understand that, but, as an Aspie I don’t like large crowds at the best of times, unless, it’s from the safety of the stage, and there is a pretty large distance between me and them. There is just so much potential for things to go wrong, when it comes to large groups. There is potential for all of their interactions to cause me sensory-overload or turn into a large mob and do something unreasonable, like keeping American Idol on television for so many years.  Without large mobs, Paris Hilton’s music career would not have been a thing. People are infinitely more reasonable as individuals and they’ll assure you that there is nothing to like about her music, but, as soon as they turn into a large group, her music thrives; it is mind-boggling.

That is why I am going to keep to jogging outside, where it is quiet enough to listen to my own thoughts over the roar of traffic.

Well, the fringe festival is over so I am now going to reflect on this amazing experience.
Pre-fringe I sent out all the emails to all of the contacts that Fringe suggested, which was like 4 weeks ahead of time. I thought that everyone would be interested in my story because I am egotistical like that. I have a hard time taking the perspective of others, therefore, when things go badly its because of something I did and when things go well it’s because I got lucky. Nevertheless, in my head the world revolves around me. Therefore, when I did not hear back from anyone other than the Jewish post and Shaw at first I got really discouraged. (I still think the Jewish post, had the best article of the bunch =0 ). Maybe, I had miscalculated and it turned out no one would be interested in the message that I had to say. Maybe, only people with aspergers would care and everyone else would prefer something lighter. This was a stand-up comedy which is light, but also about a weighter topic Aspergers. My blog never had the biggest audience after all. Therefore, I began worrying that my fringe show would be a flop.
Slowly, however, three weeks after I had sent out all the emails, two weeks after I stopped thinking anyone cared and four days before the fringe festival started. I started hearing back from CBC and the Winnipeg Free Press. When CBC first contacted me I was in a hurry and had just woke up from my nap so wasn’t really coherent about what was going on. Therefore, when they interviewed me for the website I was just confused and thought that was that. Then they contacted me again to do a radio interview, at the radio interview they also talked about doing something for tv but when nothing happened that day I moved on. The television department actually contacted me the day before I was performing. On top of that I was still writing my fringe festival show because the original script was too darn negative.
My mom was still convincing me, however, that not everyone would be interested and only people impacted by the disorder would come to my show. On top of that people with Aspergers rarely like to leave their house so I thought my audience would be tiny.
In addition, I had got my tech time wrong and only out of mercy from the tech guy steve who waited late were we able to practice at all. I only knew, I got my tech time wrong because my mom called me on my cell-phone I had been out that day with some people putting up the great posters that Cory Falvo made for me.
The first night of my show I knew was going to be huge because it was all my parents friends who had read the article in the Jewish post and therefore, had come out to support me. Therefore, I figured I’d have at least one packed house and only one packed house. I was okay with that, because frankly I was not that comfortable with my material after writing and learning it all in a week. Granted it was based on my five years of stand-up comedy but everyone told me stand-up comedy doesn’t do so well in the fringe festival. Also, it wasn’t like I was on the pinnacle of Winnipeg stand-up and had already been looked past for many big shows like the Winnipeg Improv festival. As a result, I had every right to be concerned. Forunately, for me there were lots of people who came out to support me. My brother’s friends parents all the way-out in the country even drove in to support me that night.
The next day, was Friday. I was very nervous because my show started at 5:45 and my shift at work ended at 5:15. Forunately the two were very close to each other. Nevertheless, I was very nervous about not having lots of time to prepare, mentally that is, as my show had no props. I was flabbergasted when I got there and there was a huge line-up. The place had sold-out. The show is very strange for an audience member to know when to laugh because at the heart of it, the jokes are about something really sad therefore, it was hard for them to know when it was okay to laugh and not feel like they are laughing at the person with the disability. It is made tougher by my pedantic speech as a result of my disorder. I have faced this challenge often as a stand-up comedian and I didn’t know how this would fare for my show. This ended up not being that big of a problem. Nevertheless, I wasn’t thrilled with how my show went. My general awkwardness at the end of my worked in my favour, however, as the audience loved it. I wrote this off as a freak occurence and that my audience sizes would normalize for the rest of the shows. That my third show no way would anyone come out I mean it was at a god-awful hour of 11pm on a day that had been raining hard and was still coming down hard. Nevertheless, lo and behold this show almost sold-out as well. There were 5 seats still available.

I was a bit worried how, the critics would take it, however, as my show was barely 35 minutes at that time and I said it was a 42 minute show. One critic hated this and gave me a medicore review a 3. The other big critic, however, loved my show and gave me a 5 stars. Which is a miracle, since five star reviews should only be reserved for the best shows like the Hot Thespian Action one or Crumbs. You know, shows that would sell out automatically whether or not they got 5 stars.
After hearing both shows complain about my show being short. My brother and I stayed up late the Saturday before the Sunday show, my 3rd show, and worked really hard to add 5 more minutes. One of the jokes that came out of this session actually became one of my best jokes.
After getting the 5-star review I also got two super generous reviews from complete strangers in the Jenny’s which is the unofficial fringe newspaper. My shows now started selling out really quickly. I could only hope that the message that I was trying to send about people with Aspergers being just as capable and worthy as anyone else, despite having our shortcomings socially was getting through. One show sold out 5 minutes after tickets going on sale I’ve heard.
The final hurdle came after I won patron’s pick. I was going to be going up against the best shows from other venues in the exact same time-slot. Amazingly enough, the press and word of mouth was good enough that it was the only show that sold-out in advance.
The most rewarding part of the festival, however, was not selling out shows but having strangers who I did not know come up and talk about how they could relate to the show and how they too had Aspergers and appreciate what I had done. Some of them even shared their own stories.

In September, the show will air for one night only at the purple room as a fundraiser for Aspergers Manitoba.

One way as a person on the autistic spectrum I avoid sensory overload is that I rarely go into situations that I don’t know what to expect. No matter, what situation I get myself into whether it is at a bar or going to work or home I always know what to expect. I know that when I get up in front of a stage to perform that the sounds I will likely hear is laughter. I know that before and after the show there will be conversations going on, with something funny occasionally thrown in for variety. When a crowd is silent it throws me off more than most comedians, because it is unexpected and I don’t do unexpected well. Therefore, I am up there trying to salvage the show not only for the audience’s benefit but also for the benefit of my own sanity, because the longer the new situation goes on, the greater the chance I will have a problem with sensory overload. If I went into a stand-up comedy venue and instead of conversation going on like I expected there was suddenly five screaming babies who were crying at the top of their lungs I would totally freak out. I would have the worst headache because I would be unable to adapt to the new scenario and it is not only because crying babies are extremely annoying and it is a wonder after listening to one, that anyone would want to have children. If the MC before the show was blasting heavy metal music before the show it would be the same result. I would have a really bad headache to the point where I feel physically sick.
One time a couple of friends decided to randomly pop by which did not happen often. The whole time they were there I was so thrown off to the point, where I was rude being like what are you doing here. Granted it was on a Jewish Holiday where I had already been fasting for 10 hours which can make me cranky on its own, nevertheless; their appearance made me feel really uncomfortable since I had planned on playing video games by myself in my boxers the rest of the afternoon till I was able to eat again. This would not have affected most people but I felt like I had to put pants on and had to play a two-player game, it was awful. Even if someone texts me first or calls and lets me know that they are coming in five-minutes I am less thrown off.
Essentially, what I am saying is, please don’t bring a cortet of crying babies to one of my comedy shows at a bar. Thank you in advance,



People with Aspergers often are afraid to follow their dreams and lets their condition hold them back. They fear that they are just not good enough and with all their extra challenges they will never succeed in the field that they choose so decide it is better to play it safe and stick in a job that they may not love.

   They are afraid that everyone will laugh at them because of their awkwardness and therefore quit before seeing their projects through.  “About 7 years ago, I took a workshop with a woman who used to write for SNL in the late 70′s, on sketch comedy. My aspieness created an awkward scene and I bailed on completing the workshop.” Ken Myers 43 year-old lawyer.

However, once we find the path that is right for us, we can’t let anything hold us back.

“For a long time I thought my awkwardness would make it impossible for me to be a good trial lawyer, but then I got in front of a jury for the first time, in a really big case, a year ago, and I was like Rain Man in a good way, totally zoned in on it, my boss said I found my calling. I don’t really agree with that, but the point was that aspieness does not hold us back from any particular field, IMHO, rather with our way of focusing (obsessing?) we can be brilliant in just about anything.”

We all need to find the dreams that work for us. Just like Ken Myers never became a sketch writer his unique skills that come with Aspergers allowed him to succeed in court. I may not become the most successful comedian but it is not because my Aspergers is holding me back. Like Ken says we can be brilliant in just about anything. It is just about finding the right field for us to succeed in. Often the only way of knowing that, however, is by failure letting us know that we are going down the wrong path.

People with Aspergers have succeeded in every creative field as well as in law and business. Others have also succeeded in engineering and mechanics like Jon Elder Robison,  who is also a prestigious author. Granted, however, there will never be a great athlete with Aspergers it is not in our genes but we can nevertheless be successful in many other fields.

 It can even be an advantage,  “comedians NEED a difference so they can blast on stage about it. They need to be fat, ugly, black, female, short, whatever, and then they need to OWN it, and they can find the humor in it. Being aspie is not a hinderance, but a tool that can be very useful.” Anything, can be an advantage, if we see it in the right light.

  Despite his setbacks Ken Myers has, also, not given up on his dream of being a writer. “One day, I may get my comedy out there in some public way, maybe write my own Douglas Adams type comedy novel“.

  Even though, I may never meet Ken Myers, his comments filled with wisdom from his own life and the fact that he could relate and felt comfortable sharing his own story after reading my blogs are the reason why I blog in the first place. That and to become rich and famous =).  Therefore, I would love for more people to send me their stories and share their comments on my blog.

To see the letter in its entirity its in the comment section of my blog about Z list celebrities.


Holy shit, I get to be part of the Winnipeg Comedy Festival. It’s a dream come true. Most comedians spend their whole career trying to get into their city’s festival. Granted I am not in the big Winnipeg show which is a showcase for all the local talent and is the biggest show for local comedians but getting to host shows at the library is still something right? It means someone recognized I had talent. Granted, I did have to email the producer Al Rae and beg him to let me in the show, which, frankly is not as cool as if he had asked me, but if he was worried that I would shit the bed he wouldn’t have put me in the show and allowed me to host as many noon shows as I wanted right? mean granted it is better to have a comedian to introduce the acts then someone who worked in the library. But if he was really concerned he could have done it himself right? I mean he was in the audience after all. Nevertheless, this was still an act of courage, and generosity and not the last involved in last year’s festival. I mean here is someone who does not know me all that well, willing to take a chance on me when people who I regularly perform with week in and week out are reluctant to put me on their shows where the potential of a turn-out is not nearly as high as any event for the Winnipeg Comedy festival. Especially in a location, that has been extremely successful in the past and has had a big turn-out as far as I can remember when they had comedians like Al Bolden amongst others. They have also invested some serious cash I am guessing because that year they have pretty big comedians such as John Wing and Sean Cullen coming to the library to perform. If I do a  terrible job, off the top that would  sour the mood for the rest of the comedians. 

    I went to the big kick off to the festival at McNally’s. The turnout was pretty good and I got to met the people who were working with Al. I asked one of the guys how many of the days he wanted me to host, thinking that I would be lucky just getting to host even one. They want me to host all of them,  however, due to personal obligations I am only available the one day. Forunately for me the one day I can make it is the biggest one. Where I will be opening up for Sean Cullen and John Wing and not one of the other days which are not devoted to stand-up but one of them is a funny book reading. The comedians on the night of the kick-off are the ever; hilarious Chantal Marostica, OBC,  Aisha Alfa and Al Rae. It is almost impossible to sit in a restaurant and not order anything to eat or drink. Unforunately, I just realized that I have very little money on me and I do not know whether or not they accepted Debit or Visa. Therefore, I order the cheapest dessert they have. It is delicious, and oh so chocolatey, and it makes a very nice treat while watching the comedy. However, the whole time in the pit of my stomache I am worried that I will be  unable to pay. I am good friends with the other comedians but still felt awkward about everyone knowing how broke I am. Well not broke, I have plenty of money in my bank account, that just doesn’t help me if it’s not on me right? What if McNally’s restaurant doesn’t accept cards? That’s crazy talk, right?  My decision to come was spontaneous and ill-planned out. In addition, I am still worried about making a good impression on Al. I mean he does, have a hell of alot of power when it comes to the festival and frankly I have only met him a few times. After the show I  anxiously await for the bill to arrive. When I look at the time and it’s after 12 o’clock so I step away for a minute. Not because I am trying to dine and dash, the thought has never occured to me. I just need to check in with my mom if I am going to be home after midnight, she’s overprotective like that. When I get back I ask one of the other people who’se working for Al on the festival where the bill is and they tell  me that Al had covered everyone’s bill. If I knew this I would probably have been a douche and ordered a few beers and not been so cheap with ordering the cheapest thing on the menu.  After the comedy show on my way home I stopped for gas. Just as I was going through the cards in my wallet to prepay for the gas I was about to buy. It turned out like an idiot I had forgot the cards by the computer from when I was booking tickets for the Debaters. Therefore, I drove home without getting the gas but in my head I was completely freaking out because I had been counting on those cards to pay my bill and if Al had not paid for everyone I would have been royally screwed. I have no clue what they would have done with me. Would I have gone to prison? Would they have called my home and had someone have to come down with money and bail me out? Would they make me have to wash dishes? For Al’s I will forever be grateful, even if I never perform in the festival again. Though, I personally think that I have the library market cornered. Right? “Come on, pretty please?”

  The realization that I had got into the festival as a result of someone else’s generosity probably made me more awkward than I already am. For example, I would talk to other, female, comedians who had extremely long lists of credits and  had been flown into Winnipeg from Los Angeles to do several shows, and then I would foolishly point out “hey I am not even supposed to be here, as a performer” but I am doesn’t that make me sexy. Wow it’s Steve Patterson, if I did comedy for the rest of my life I hope I have one-tenth the ability you have, and now I am gushing like a little girl instead of a comedian. I am not even the best comedian fan. On the last night of the festival, everyone was partying it up at the Academy Bowling Lanes and I went up to one of the comedians and said “hey, you look familiar have I seen you on television before?” and he being the nice modest guy he is said “yeah I was on a show called KIDS in the Hall” and then I being the smart guy that I am and knowing that there were two people from the show there, Scott Thompson and Kevin Macdonald said “oh, you must be Scott Thompson” and he politely said ” no that’s Scott Thompson” over there. That was so emberassing because pretty much everyone knows who they are. It’s like meeting the members of KISS backstage and going up to Gene Simmons and being like “hey aren’t you in a band? Holy shit, your in Kiss, you must be Ace Freehely!”   I have to say to Kevin Macdonald’s credit is he was extremely humble, easy-going, forgiving and had a smoking hot wife. I mean this woman was jaw-dropping beautiful.

    The actual day:  On the day of the performance, I got to the library by bus 15 minutes earlier than the time that we said we were going to start and I was busy trying to memorize the credits for John Wing and Sean Cullen two seasoned professional comedians. I remember John saying that he wanted to go before Sean because Sean was a really tough act to follow due to his unique relationship with crowds and the energy he brings to the room. I remember being suprised because I always thought John Wing was the stage time for an asian comedian. It’s not the John part that creates that illusion in my head but the last name Wing. Why this would be the case, I am still not sure to this day. I remember making jokes to a semi-awkward crowd who warmed up much more to the other guys than me. It could be because they are used to performing in places other than bars for young people. I also remember reading the credits on stage because I couldn’t remember them and then making a lame joke about how John was old because he had opened up for a band that I have never heard of. Not that I am a music guru or anything. 

What really stands out, however, is that there was an elderly woman sitting in the corner who knitted the whole time. When I tried to rift on this it did not fare well, but the other guys were able to get some good mileage out of this funny sight.  It was the most flabbergasting thing I have ever dealt with as a comedian. Who actually brings their knitting with them to live shows? I mean yes I have knit in front of the television or while listening to the radio but that is not directly in the eye-sight of the performers. You can’t believe how distracting and how much it threw me off to have someone more focused on their knitting than my attempt to try and entertain them and I have had my fair share of bored audience members who feel that it is better to shout out random things or talk with their friends than it is to listen to the show but never any knitters.

 Not only did I met Kevin Macdonald but I met tons of awesome people like the girls from Picnic Face. I also met this super hot chick the last night, who was just a girl who came to the party even though she was not part of the festival. I thought that she was  Jewish comedian Judy Gold,  even though she had red hair which is a clear sign that people are usually not Jewish. When I asked her about it she was very flirty and unzipped my sweater jacket that I was wearing. I did not know how to respond to that at all. I don’t even remember what happened. I am not the type of person that gets into relationships easily or even knows when a girl is flirting or just being goofy. It’s an Asperger thing really. Sherry Sutton was also at that party so it was really neat getting to meet her after watching her kill her show at the library the previous year. Talking about what life is like as a Lesbian who grew up in traditional Southern Texas. In addition, she congratulated me on a show where I had no clue how I did so had mixed feelings about afterwards. Her complimenting me was a huge boost to my ego. Because in my head I was thinking that’s incredible that you like me because you are a genuinely funny professional comedian and I am a local open mic comedian.

One of the best parts of being in the show was that I recieved a performer pass which entitled to go see all the other shows that were going on…. For FREE!! It also entitled me to going to afterparties which were incredible. Great food, great company and unlimited alcohol. As I have mentioned before I am not a huge drinker because like many people with Aspergers I don’t like to feel out of control as I already have so little of it when I am sober. Nevertheless, the idea of unlimited free alcohol sounds breathtaking to my ears. All in all it was one of the best experiences in my life.

 Did I mention she’s cool like Joan Jett?  Photo taken by the talented April Dawn Plett

I don’t know if you know Yuri Kimuri yet but you should since she is the coolest girl in the school of life.

Reason number 1. She’s very pretty and not in the boring kind of hot blonde californian surfer chick with long blonde hair blue eyes and big boobs that I usually go for. Instead she’s half Asian. In addition, she has really cool tattoos some are coolered in and some aren’t. How cool is that. Her new one the chili pepper however is colored in. The tattoos are all of fun things like cupcakes and candy.

      Mmm I love candy.  My favourite candy is chocolate because I like the feeling of the chocolate melting on my tongue and the sweet taste of it. Sometimes I also like chocolate with nuts or raisins like the kind from Cardbury’s. Though I think Yuri prefers other kinds of candy because when I see her eating any which is rare its always a different kind like a gummy candy. She did bring candy for everyone to Laser Tag a few times and there was no chocolate in it but mostly gummy candy which was still very generous of her.

     Laser tag was fun but I’m not very good at it. Probably because of my hand-eye-coordination and sometimes when I keep getting killed I want to sit in the corner with my arms crossed and a humph look on my face. 

   Plus Yuri’s a great dresser. She works at a store which does costumes and repairs old clothing therefore, she is the coolest person to play dress up with. I mean she doesn’t just have fedora’s but she has viking helmets and marching band hats. Whole outfits from the 1960’s 70’s and 80’s. One time in a movie I was making with an acting group I got a dress from there because I played a transvestite cross-dresser. It was fun, what’s with my fascination of wearing dresses in public I couldn’t tell you, but when I stained it from eating mcdonald’s in the dress, I am sure she got the stain out. How useful and cool is that (This was before we were friends so I don’t know if she did it or someone else working there did).

      Plus she always smells really nice, can’t forget that. Some people smell like BO and its never fun to be around them no matter how awesome they are. Plus did I mention she striped her hair a really awesome colour? That just shows that she has a playful side and is very outgoing lots of people only show their fun side once you have known them for a long time and show a unfriendly moody side to the rest of the world like this =( . They think that they have enough friends therefore become crummy. 

    She is also a really good hugger and she initates the hugs. This helps on multiples fronts because who honestly doesn’t want a nice hug. Plus if I have to initiate the hug I don’t know when it is appropriate to hug or not but she takes all the guess work out of it. She is also slightly shorter which is good because I prefer hugging girls only slightly shorter. Just like my mom who is my best friend but can’t go to improv shows with me or hangout with me in public because that would just be uncool. My mom isn’t even a “cool mom” who drinks beers with their children’s friends in public because that would just be weird. Luckily Yuri is a good hugger. I appreciate any and all physical contact I can get when it doesn’t hurt like a punch to the face.

     Yuri has super funny stories about her father like the manadarin story but I’ll just have to let you ask her about it yourself if you ever meet her. Plus she hangout with funny people like Lee White who does a really funny German accent. Being able to do funny accents really helps when you’re an improviser. I can’t do accents very well. But me and my friend Lovey just talk to each other in bad accents and its pretty funny. I usually do bad British or Southern accents. Lovey has more range of bad accents.

   Yuri is also kind and supportive . She was one of the first people to say nice things about my blog which made me feel good about myself and you could tell she was being sincere. Having Aspergers sometimes I can’t tell if people are being sarcastic or being sincere therefore I have chased off alot of people who were just being nice to me or thought I had a genuine friend when someone was just laughing at me. Just like the boy in the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night. But you can always tell that Yuri is a very sincere person. She is also very upfront and will tell you when she is in a bad mood so not to bother her then which is good news to have when you can’t read people very well otherwise you can easily make things worse.

      For all those reasons that is why Yuri Kimura is awesome.

Some obsessions are easier to keep secret than others. For example, a fetish over tall girls is not quite as obvious as a fetish about blondes. An obsession over bottle caps is much easier to hide than a collection of limbs (tribute Dexter). Previously in my blogs I mentioned my secret obsession over card games on the computer, which to be honest is now more about Hearts than solitaire, although I appreciate all the solitaire requests on Facebook.

People have different ways they like to spend their day some people like to go biking, some people like to play the guitar some people (used to) like to fly kites. None of these activities are my favourite thing to do in the afternoon. Even stand-up comedy does not hold a candle to my favourite activity. No my all time favourite activity is napping.


I could make up an excuse which would have some truth to it like that having Aspergers makes everything that much harder and that much more exhausting therefore, it is natural for me to need to sleep more. However, I have had Aspergers all of my life therefore, my body has had ample time to adjust to the additional demands and therefore shouldn’t need anymore rest than anyone else. Some people might say napping is a sign of laziness and a sign of moral weakness. I respond to them so what??

Deciding what the most delightful part of a nap is hard. Is it the sinfulness of it. Is it the chance to rest your head on a pillow and close your eyes and go into a comatose state of meditation that is so wonderful, or is it the pure warmth of the blanket as it covers your body that makes one feel safe and loved and untouchable, for a brief while at least.  

Some people fight against sleep and say stupid things like they will sleep when they are dead, or that sleep gets in the way of life and partying. What I say is if death is like taking a long nap that you don’t need to wake up from, than what is this annoying thing called life that keeps getting in the way.

Having Aspergers means that more things are out of your control than most people, therefore, you have to learn how to accept what you cannot change. This is a fustrating lesson and no matter how many times you think you have learnt it, it never gets much easier. Whether it’s with making friends impressing girls or getting stage time at one of the rooms doing comedy. A person can work hard to impress a girl but if they are not getting all the signals and information being transmitted the chances of success decrease drastically. In addition, sitting by the phone and hoping the girl will phone back is really a waste of time, but if you’re really interested and invested it is hard not to. It’s like in sports you can work hard spend more time in the gym than anyone else but in the end if you have Aspergers you are going to lose because of poor hand-eye-coordination that you were unforunately born with. In terms of comedy, you can kill it at open mics and you can go out to support all the local shows but unless the producers decide to put you in the show there is really nothing you can do. Which can be really fustrating when all you really want to do is get stage time to prove to everyone else that you are just as good as anybody else. Especially when you put all your effort into comedy to overcome for other shortcomings in your life but alas you still have no control of whether someone decides to put you up at Jeffries, the Cheer, or the King’s head. Those big bullies. All you can really do is try and change your attitude towards not being in control which is very difficult and often a losing battle. 

I guess it would be easier if you believed in destiny or a God who is actively involved in our lives. But for those who don’t it is all the more difficult but all you can do is try and hope everything works out.

If anyone has ever had a conversation with me in real life you will know that I suffer from the typical Asperger syndrome of not modulating my voice very well. At least every other week someone like Ryan Ash has to tell me to lower my voice because I am talking too loudly or ruining a conversation because I am standing in between the two participants therefore they cannot continue the conversation till I move.

This has not been a recent problem as you can imagine. In elementary school teachers were constantly telling me to use my indoor voice, when I was excitedly trying to get a point across or make one.

At B’Nai Brith overnight camp the other campers were so worried that I would be terrible at sneaking around that one of them offered to tuck me into bed every night as long as I don’t sneak out with them. Therefore, even, though, I missed out on any kind of teen summer romance at camp I always got a goodnight’s sleep. Maybe this is where my habit of needing twenty-hours of sleep per day came from. I was a terrible sneak because I would always talk way too loudly when trying to whisper. It practically became a joke in itself. Also I have terrible hand-eye-coordination so there was always the possibility that my fumbling around, falling down or stubbing my toe and swearing would also give the others away. Essentially, I am lucky that I was born, when I was born instead of at a time where sneaking around could be the difference between being alive and free, and dead.  I know these are all frothy cappuccino problems in a definitely not foamy world, but these are still my capuccino problems.

In a related thing, one of my teacher’s Mr. X when he was yelling would often say “i’m not yelling, what do you think this is yelling” it was quite strange any former high school graduate cohort can vouch for how odd and hilarious this was.

As I mentioned earlier in my posts that having Aspergers I do not make many friends, nevermind lady friends. In this blog I am going to talk about my best friend.

My best friend is my mom. We are constantly hanging out, reading books  or watching television series such as Sopranos or the Wire together. I never got into Mad Men. She is always the first person I tell everything to and the person who comforts me when I am really moopy. She also gives the best hugs. Really you should give it a try, she’s a really good hugger so if you see her out and about you should just give her a hug. My mom once tried to limit the number of times I can hug her in a day, ha that lasted a week.

My mom and dad have not had the easiest life trying to raise an Autistic child who just refuses to be normal always trying to balance my perspective by poo pooing my dreams and telling me to focus on things i really can do, while at the same time being very supportive.  My mom has often read my books since elementary school till my masters to discuss them with me and help me with my essays even when I don’t want her help. She was also a willing ear when I was doing my biology classes in university.

  Dont get me wrong she is not the perfect friend by any stretch or means.  She can be super naggy about some things like insisting that I shave every day (eww puke) or how I can’t wear shorts and runners (why not? I think I like cool in this combination). Also insisting that I am organized and know the bus schedule and don’t miss the last bus of the night. Always urging me to be responsible and catch an earlier bus. 

Ultimately, however I have to forgive her this nagging because she only has my best interests at heart when she does it. 

Here are some other things I like about hanging out with my mother:

When I hangout with my mom I never have to worry about being less attractive than the friend I am with.

My mom always picks up the bill when we go out, how many friends can you say that about?

She never shops around for better plans, but never has a problem when I cancel at the last minute because something better comes up. 



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