Posts Tagged ‘dating’

All the dating advice for people with Aspergers is actually limited, therefore I need to find some real help.

Here are some dating tips you may find.

Make sure to shower daily and wash your hair. (check)

Make sure you wear fresh clothes everyday. (check)

Don’t only talk about your interest areas. Take interest in her interest and ask lots of questions. (Check)

If she says no respect her wishes and don’t sulk about it. (Check)

Be yourself. (check)

If you go to a movie pay, or if she insists on paying pay for chocolate mints or something 

I have succeeded in following every single step in the guide and therefore, should feel really proud of myself right? Wrong, because I don’t feel any better about myself because I am still no close to getting a girlfriend.   I mean I could turn to pick-up artist tricks, which might help such as StyleLife. The only problem is that they get you to do ridiculous challenges teaching you the skills you need. Challenges that I definitely feel uncomfortable trying to complete such as phoning complete strangers and getting three movie reccommendations. Having Aspergers and already being self-conscious about myself I found this task impossible. I tried calling one person and they hung up right away and I never tried again. Thinking, okay, okay maybe you can do the next challenge working up to the skills you need to get a girl interested in me because nothing I had done before had worked in the past so maybe I need to step out of my comfort zone. I’ll just come back to the phoning challenge. Well at the same time being part of this “class” was costing me 100 dollars a month so I skipped ahead. The next challenge was something easy and I forget what it was but the next challenge was insane. Are you ready? The next mission was to go out begging for money until you got enough bus fare for the bus. Isn’t that insane? How many people out there would actually feel up to this task? This is not a rhetorical question I am actually curious. So realizing that skipping ahead would not be of any use because the tasks only get harder and harder and I can’t step out of my comfort zone as far as that I decided to save my money and quit the “class”.

    Which leaves me needing some serious advice on how to talk to a girl and get one to go on a date with me. I mean there was even a really skanky girl at the karaoke bar I went to last night. A friend of a boyfriend of a friend of a friend kind situation, you know it is. So I figured I would at least get a make-out session but I couldn’t even pull that off. Which 99.5% of other men who had any inclination to pull it off could have. I still had a good time and enjoyed good company not wanting to fall into the category of annoying people I mentioned in my previous blog who only go out looking for sex but it was still bloody annoying.

Therefore if you have any real dating advice or want to take me under your wing like in the movie “Hitch” starring Will Smith please do.

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I constantly am talking about my relationship woes and how I can’t get a girlfriend. Therefore people are probably thinking but Adam you must have come close to getting a girlfriend at least once in your life. Yes people I  did come close once in the following section I will describe in detail this event from my saga of a life.

Back in grade 7, believe it or not, I was kind of cool. My friend even predicted that I would get a girlfriend before he did. I was hilarious all the guys and girls wanted to be near me. Everyone in their life has a peak socially where they are the man/Woman. My Peak was the end of grade 7 and the beginning of grade 8. In the last class of the day I was joking around with this fine blonde. Skinny, dirty blonde hair, beautiful smile granted she was not the knockout at this point she would later become but she was still quite cute. I kept asking her out and she would be like “Adam stop being so silly”. Therefore, I did not think she had any romantic interest in me whatsoever.

Therefore, the next day after playing basketball at lunch I came back to the homeroom that we were in and she was just sitting there reading a book. So I jokingly said “will you go out with me?” At first she didn’t look up and wasn’t paying attention until one of my female friends who was also in the room got her attention. When she did answer she said “yes” she would go out with me. However, thinking that she had no interest and that she would be in on the joke she would realize that I expected her to say “Adam stop being so silly!” Therefore, when she said yes I was so caught up in the momentum of the joke I said immediately after “just kidding”. She was really hurt in the silly way grade 7 and 8’s can be hurt when it comes to their emotions.

  Why did I say “just kidding”, there are two possible reasons. Reason one is that I was not ready for a relationship even of the simpliest kind that grade 4’s have until I was in grade 9. I was not ready to hold someone’s hand and have it mean anything romantically or anything more than that I just wanted to hold someone’s hand.  The other reason is that I thought that she would understand that it was a joke because of the previous day that I was completely caught by suprise when she said yes.

Maybe as a result of this hurtful thing I did I have not had a relationship yet and maybe my life would have been completely different after getting this early experience. Maybe I would have gone on and been more successful romantically. I believed this for many years. That this early experience would have made me a much more confident man and therefore females would be more attracted to me. Yet now I believe that even if I had had this experience I would still have Aspergers and therefore, still have a hard time connecting with another person by seeing the world the way they did or by picking up cues which would have steered me in the right direction. 

However, this encounter has been the closest I have ever been to being in a romantic relationship.

I have nothing against online dating, many people have met their partner this way. There is no less dignity to finding someone online as there is at the bar for those who are shyer and don’t have a way with their words. Dating a colleague is a major no-no and can only lead to trouble especially when everyone you work with is at least ten years your senior. I have asked my friends to keep their eyes open for single girls who they think would be a good fit for me most of the time they come up with a major blank. Maybe they are ashamed of me, maybe they are worried that their female friends will never look at them the same way again. Maybe they just don’t think anyone is good enough for me who can tell? But chances are its not the last one. That leaves several options such as taking a pottery class  or hoping that a girl will want to talk to me after my set and get to know a funny likeable guy. So far this has not happened, and I have been to busy with comedy for the former. I could hit on patrons who come into the library and check out their materials, but for one thing this is creepy for another thing it would probably ultimately end up costing me my job.

      Then there is online dating, I have a hard enough time making small talk in daily conversation with friends who are female, nevermind trying to read someones bio and pick out an aspect that I can make conversation about and they are usually quite clear they do not simply want small talk such as “hey” or “hi” or “what’s up?” Nor do they want something to forward and flirtatious which I have a hard time being in the first place. I simply do not want to scare them off, therefore, I don’t know what to write in that all important first message which breaks or makes a relationship. “Like nice Tattoo” “you like animals me too. What kind of dog do you have? I have a kern terrier?” or “so I see you like travelling where did you travel last to, what is your favourite destination?” feel free to use any of these lines I have and none of them have worked for me. “You like funny guys, I see well I am stand up comedian!” 

     Also all the girls have these really flirty pictures of themselves trying to look sexy but then they talk about how they are simple girls who only care about spending time with their families and friends. In addition, well I am photogenic enough I really don’t do sexy pictures well.  What am I supposed to do show them my flabby stomache where my rockhard abs are supposed to be?

      Another problem could be that I usually only contact pretty girls out of my league after reading their bios and in turn only get contacted by girls who don’t care about me as a person but want to date me because I am cute.

   People always think they have found the new best website for dating such as Jdate or another program but they are all equally bad as plenty of Fish.

In the meantime I can just sit by my computer at work and wait for a reply.