For awhile, I was in a sketch comedy group and thought about writing SNL type sketches and thought it would be completely awesome and the group I was in would go on for multiple years. Some of the cast members may have gone to bigger better things but that the group would mostly remain the same. This idea was shattered when the group asked me to leave. They thought they were too cool for me or something.
At the time, it felt just like when I was kicked out of the teaching profession and in many ways it was. That it would torment me for a long time as something else that I failed at. The biggest similiarity between the two, however, was that neither of them were truly a good fit. Leaving the sketch writing group was really also in my best interest as the group would never use any of the sketches that I worked so hard on writing, while balancing comedy, my job, and masters program. Therefore, angry at the group I hoped that they would fail and realize too late how they needed me to keep the group moving forward and that I was central to it even though they had not realized it at the time. When the group eventually did fail, however, without achieving any enormous success I should have been overjoyed that my dreams had come true. That they were nothing without me. While in fact it did not bring me any real happiness seeing them fail. True it did not make me particularly sad but it didn’t make me feel any better. Therefore, this negativity didn’t help anyone. It even made me waste time being resentful and wasting my brain cells on useless thoughts instead of what I could do to make my situation better.
When I was younger and I was really jealous and angry with one of my classmates I wished that he got really bad acne. Now I am not saying that he didn’t deserve it, because he was a really ratty child. He threw soccer games at recess when I was the captain because he was such a jerk. What I am saying is that when he got older his skin cleared up and instead I was the one who got acne.
I wished ill will on someone else recently and today I pulled a muscle in my neck. I don’t know if I actually believe in karma or what goes around comes around. What I do know is that negative thinking is bad for the body and the soul so learn from my lesson and don’t do it.
Mr. asperger 